Columns
Is Cat 'Heavily' P.C.? And...Coworker Is Really, Really Annoying
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
DEAR CAT: Last week you answered a question about spring/summer fashion. I think you were just being politically correct and avoiding the truth: itâs impossible to be truly fashionable without a great, thin body. You said âshorts are unkind to most women,â and that was funny, but letâs be honest, shorts are only unflattering on overweight women. I work very hard to keep my body in good shape and one reward is looking great in clothes. Unlike the woman in last weekâs column, I look forward to warm weather and showing off my hard earned body. Please answer this honestly: arenât you doing readers a disservice by avoiding this truth? — THIN, HAPPY & HONEST
DEAR THIN: Youâre doing yourself a disservice by assuming I’m trying to be P.C. just because I disagree with your prosaic fashion philosophy. Being fashionable has nothing to do with weight. Nothing. Nada. Zilch. Zero. Thatâs not political correctness talking, itâs fashion truth. Another truth is that not every look flatters every body. Showing off your bod may work for you, but the clothes you choose may not look good on another thin, fit woman. The real truth is, if clothes are tailored properly, and accessories (including makeup & hair) chosen carefullyâ¦Catâs Call: Anyone can look their best, and perfectly fashionable.
DEAR CAT: I work with a woman who is in her 30s, married and difficult to handle. Not only does âMaryâ act like a child, but she lies constantly. Sheâll tell one person a story, then move on to someone three feet away and tell a completely different version without thinking people can hear her. She is noisy (oinks like a pig at her desk), burps out loud on purpose, and interrupts peopleâs conversations to say nonsensical things. I think she is beyond immature and has some type of mental disorder. Trust me when I tell you that I take these things seriously and am not passing judgment on her; we all have our own issues. Her behavior is so extreme that it makes me wonder how she thinks and what causes her to act the way she does. How can her co-workers and I handle her behavior? We have gone to her manager with no success. I want to get along with her but itâs extremely difficult. I sometimes feel as if Iâm working with an eight-year-old who is regressing instead of maturing. âFRUSTRATED IN HARTFORD
DEAR FRUSTRATED: Uh, you are passing judgment on her, but thatâs not a crime. The only criminal aspect of your story is her gastric outbursts in the office. I do trust you about taking this seriously, in fact I marvel that you complained to her manager – about what? If she gets her work done, and doesnât prevent you from doing the same, whatâs your complaint? I doubt your company has an HR burping violation or a âbad storytellerâ rule. Unfortunately some coworkers are simply annoying, immature, obnoxious, or nonsensical ramblers, and there isnât much to do about them. She sounds desperate to be liked, but her desperate behavior is only turning you off. Just ignore her as much as possible, and when you must interactâ¦Catâs Call: Be professional and nothing more.
THIN, HAPPY & HONEST: it is astonishing to me that you feel the need to write into Catâs column to announce that you are âfashionableâ, and that any woman without a âgreat, thin bodyâ has no hope of being so.
It would be disingenuous of me to suggest that each and every size and shape donât create their own unique challenges —- and sincere credit is due to you for being motivated to workout regularly —- but a woman with true a sense of confidence would regard her accomplishments with modesty and offer nothing but kindness and support to other women (as Cat has). The truth is that it is our own insecurities that lead us to harshly critique others, as you have here.
You don’t truly believe you’re going to have that body FOREVER, do you? How short-sighted!
You might very well be âfashionableâ, as you suggest, but I fear that âhappyâ and âhonestâ elude you.
— Deb, CA 04/21/2009 Reply
Great response to the woman who wrote in re:shorts. She came off as an incredible narcissist, and it seemed to me that she only wrote in at all to brag about herself. Lovely.
— Jessica Brown 04/21/2009 Reply
Cat, I half expected you to really lay into the “Thin” woman. I used to hear you on the radio and I saw you live at the political pundits show. You are one of the best defenders of a point I’ve ever seen. You’re right about the fashion of course, although as a society we are conditioned to see heavy people as unfashionable. I would like to see you and “Thin” debate in person. I estimate it would last three minutes.
— Brian, Pittsburgh 04/21/2009 Reply
Hi Cat.
About “THIN” I love how you call her ‘prosaic’. I admit I hoped to see you tear her up til Tuesday because her position is bubbleheaded and provincial. You did it in your signature way, though. A ‘thin, great’ body is very subjective. I’ve known many women with bad bodies (no offense to them) who THINK their bodies are great and they show off way too much.
About the annoying coworker: there’s nothing you can do. There will always be annoying people in the world…that’s life.
— SJKT (Pittsburgh PA) 04/21/2009 Reply
Wow, THIN certainly thinks a lot of herself, doesn’t she?
She won’t have that body forever no matter how hard she tries. She’ll get her comeuppance even if it takes a couple of years.
— Katie, Pittsburgh 04/21/2009 Reply
People will probably jump on me for this but THIN, HAPPY & HONEST does make a point. I do agree with Cat that you don’t have to be thin to have style or good fashion sense (most magazine editors, movie costumers and fashion designers are not built like models) but people DO look best when they are somewhat thin or in shape. They walk fluidly and fabrics fall easier. Yes Cat tailoring can do all that but most people don’t take their clothes to a tailor! They are more focused on cost than looks and real fashion sense is beyond that. Anyone who disagrees should look in their closet and drawers and see how much they have. If you got rid of half of it and spent that money on properly tailoring the rest, we’d all look better!
— Amanda, Pittsburgh 04/21/2009 Reply
Very good advice to the frustrated coworker. I have worked in corporate America for 18 years. So much time is wasted by people complaining about one another when the problem is personality incompatibility. As a manager I tell employees to work together even if they don’t like each other. How else will things get accomplished? At the end of the business day, that’s what matters.
— Pittsburgh 04/21/2009 Reply
Wow someone loves themselves!!! I am not perfect, in fact far from it. I say if you can get away with it then please do and thin should be proud of her body HOWEVER her attitude is as my grandfather would say UGLY. I have model thin friends and fuller figure friends, we all stress about the same things from my 12 year old daughter to my 80 year old mother in law. I admire anyone who works out, wish I could, would, did, I think i look OK but I do not pass judgement on those who don’t. If I could wear short shorts I would but I can not in fact I hate them. Capris and summer dresses are my best friend!!! I too hate the bohemian loose fitting styles, makes me feel as though I am wearing a tent. I encourage my daughters to wear the looser fitting LONGER tops and emphasize the more flattering features they have. None of us leave without looking well put together.
Thin needs an attitude adjustment no matter how good she looks she is still very ugly!!
— Karen 04/21/2009 Reply
MY CALL: I must agree with Amanda in Pittsburgh about this question. Of course you are right, Cat, but there is a limit don’t you think? An overweight person can dress fabulously but people will silently say to themselves, “they look fabulous for their size.” An obese person is something different. Maybe I am just superficial but I can’t remember ever seeing an extremely fat person look great because excessive weight means they are not healthy. It doesn’t matter how expensive the clothes are, they don’t look great.
— J.W. in Los Angeles 04/21/2009 Reply
I’m a thin woman, and I look terrible in shorts due largely to my stick-thin legs! Not flattering at all.
— Pittsburgh 04/21/2009 Reply
Way to go, Cat! As a charge nurse I made it a practice to act professional at (almost) all times with my co-workers, and encouraged them to do the same when they encountered someone unpleasant. If one person, whether staff or patient, was particularly difficult, we would sometimes hold a discussion about why that person behaved that way. Feeling helpless, afraid, angry? Stressed at home? We decided that being courteous and supportive was the best way, and we were especially supportive of each other in stressful situations. We ended up with a good place to work, were happy with each other, and our long term patients were mainly happy with us. It should do the same in any work environment.
— Marjorie Wells 04/21/2009 Reply
“…I marvel that you complained to her manager â about what? If she gets her work done, and doesnât prevent you from doing the same, whatâs your complaint?” I would imagine that it is hard to get your work done when someone is burping, talking non-stop and oinking like an idiot. It’s appalling that this is allowed to happen! And how do you ignore that kind of behavior? It’s easy to tell someone to ignore something when it isn’t going on in your ear! I think you have about five responses and you just randomly assign one to a question without giving actual advice. The writer was asking about dealing with someone’s potential mental illness and you offered nothing.
— Hot California 04/21/2009 Reply
Cat,
I have to disagree with your advice to FRUSTRATED IN HARTFORD to “be professional and nothing more.” This is exactly the kind of wimpy advice that does no one absolutely any good. How can you call on her to be professional while completely dismissing her co-worker’s unprofessional behavior. When she says “WE have gone to her manager”, obviously she is not the only one complaining about this behavior and it is affecting other co-workers as well. Just because you aren’t preventing anyone else from getting their work done isn’t enough if you are making the workplace uncomfortable and distracting for your co-workers. What kind of advice is “ignore her as much as possible”? Are they supposed to somehow shut off their ears? Maybe they can put blinkers on so they can only see straight ahead like they do for horses? If this company (or any company) doesn’t have any kind of “gastric outburst” rule, then they should. No adult who works in a supposedly professional atmosphere should have to deal with that kind of nonsense. All it takes is one employee like this to sap everyone else’s energy, make work miserable, and poison the environment. However, the person at fault here is the timid manager who refuses to correct this employee’s behavior and ensure his company provides a civilized workplace. Individual effectiveness should not be sole factor in determining if someone is a good or bad employee.
— J.Barry 04/21/2009 Reply
My call: About the shorts topic, OMG agreed! Weight has nothing to do with style. (I’m very thin and in shape but much more voluptuous women can look more gorgeous in the same clothes I wear). Think of Salma Hayek – if we saw her on the street in shorts, with no makeup and toting kids, we’d say she is a short, very pretty woman who maybe could lose a few pounds. But she’s GORGEOUS and exotic and I would trade bodies with her in a second. You don’t see her photographed in shorts for good reason!!
About the annoying coworker: I’m sure it is frustrating to work with that kind of person but I have never had any job where there isn’t AT LEAST one person who drives you to distraction. If you tune them out eventually they quiet down. When they don’t, everyone’s refusal to acknowledge their behavior makes them move on to another job. That has been my experience. If he complained to the manager and nothing came of it, he has no further choice but to follow your advice….or quit. His choice.
— Christine from Detroit 04/21/2009 Reply
P.C. is a dated term and Cat is anything but. This advice is perfectly sound and adult. Most of my colleagues are brilliant in their profession, idiots in their lives. It is a waste of time to listen to their personal stories, and I don’t share mine either. The comment from “Hot California” amuses me. If he/she has already complained to the manager and everyone in the office simultaneously ignores the annoying behavior and acts like professionals, what is left to do but your work? They ALL should STOP ENGAGING in stupid personal conversations with each other then the coworker won’t have a chance to re-tell her stories. They sound like high school students.
— CNNman, Washington, DC 04/21/2009 Reply
Hi Cat,
Thank you for your common-sense response to âThin, Happy & Honest,â who seemed to want you to put down un-thin people in your column, and who apparently assumes that we un-thin people are also unhappy and dishonest.
There is so much more to a person than the shape of his or her body. What about character, kindness, intelligence, talent, and integrity, for starters? Hasnât Susan Boyle given us all an object lesson in having low expectations of the unlovely and un-thin, and on judging books by their covers?
While âThin, Happy & Honestâ works very hard on keeping her body in shape, I work very hard educating myself about everything from current world events to history to new ways to knit socks. I read 3 newspapers a day to keep up with whatâs going on in the world. I work hard at my job, which has its own rewards. I volunteer for charitable events when possible. I make stuff, and that makes me happy! To be honest, Iâd love it if I were a few pounds thinner since I also avoid wearing shorts, but there are so many more interesting things to do other than obsess about my body. Iâd rather be reading than sweating.
Mind, if obsessing about her body and working hard on it makes this person happy, good for her! But what I donât understand is the need to believe that all this body obsession makes her somehow superior to those whose obsessions lie elsewhere. Worst of all, if she is truly happy & honest, why the need to put others down? Happy people donât need to do that.
As for the second response, to âFrustrated in Hartford,â concerning the objectionable co-worker: the iPod does wonders for this situation. I work with a guy who has a very loud voice that intrudes on my workspace. He is also a heavy, wet breather (ewwww!). He is not a bad person and canât help any of these things. I canât very well tell him to go breathe somewhere else â but a good dose of Aerosmith from the iPod, and I canât hear him â so it doesnât matter. And now, I have dated myself!
I always enjoy your column and the common-sense perspective you bring to things.
— -- D (Canonsburg, PA) 04/21/2009 Reply
I want to work in an office where oinking is an acceptable form of behavior! Oh, wait… that’s called Kindergarten! And someone who has a personality disorder is not going to stop his behavior just because someone ignores him. That may only cause him to act up even more; he’ll do whatever it takes to get attention. Others suffer as a result.
— Zena, Memphis 04/21/2009 Reply
Listening to the response that “THIN” had to your original posting made me sick to my stomach. I hope Karma catches up to her, and how horrible she just made thousands of women feel by expressing her ugly opinion. And thats being said by a 6’, 170lb, 27 year old attractive woman.
— Shannon, Pittsburgh 04/21/2009 Reply
Cat,
Please tell me I am not crazy…I think I saw a picture of you on the interent in a different hat. I swear I did…but now I can’t find it….not that I am complaining….I like the original is just “cat” to me ….. Love the column…keep up the good work.
— Stan 04/21/2009 Reply
Just wanted to add my 10 cents to the writer “Thin Happy & Honest”….
I’m a Pittsburgh transplant here in Los Angeles, CA. The population is 10 to 1 Hispanic to Caucasian…most Spanish women have meat on their bones, and most times it’s all in the right places…Aye Carumba! A very nice and welcome change from the sickly, pale faced, anorexic looking skinny minnies I spent most of my life chasing…skinny is good too when you’re a true lover of women. The REAL honesty is: “Have The Cake & Candy Bar”. A few pounds will probably do ya good…climb out of the casket & get some sun already!!! A nice tan goes well with the curves!!! Makeup is ok (in moderation) but not a necessity as long as your hair is kept nice. Big girls?? You’re beautiful too!!! Signed: Luv Em All…….
— Don R., Los Angeles 04/21/2009 Reply
THIN, HAPPY & HONEST??? Sorry, I couldn’t keep quiet about this lady. I’m not thin, but I’m happy, honest, and happen to think I look pretty good in anything I wear. It doesn’t take being a size 2 to look good. I happen to have a few curves that a lot of people like. And I know how to dress so that I don’t look like a slob. I truely think this “happy” lady isn’t as happy as she claims, or she wasn’t always so thin and people said some mean things to her. But I find it offensive for her to imply if we’re not all “thin” like her, then we can’t dress nice or be happy. I’d more than happy to put my picture against hers any day and see who gets what reactions. Sorry for ranting, but that just drives me nuts. She was way out of line to say someone who isn’t thin can’t be happy or fashionable. Thanks for listening.
— Lisa J. 04/21/2009 Reply
As Judith Scheindlin put it, “Beauty fades, but dumb is forever.” When Thin gets out of high school, and gets a real life, she will find that beautiful people come in all shapes, sizes, and colors, and what’s most attractive about people is their mind and personality. So tell me, Thin, when your beauty fades, will you no longer be happy? Probably, but then you’ll realize you never were really happy anyways.
— Steph--Jersey 04/21/2009 Reply
A Thin Body of evidence suggests that an entire group of people is unhappy, based upon observations of one characteristic that an outsider to that group values above others. Myopic, yes, and not at all convincing.
— Rob S., Delaware 04/22/2009 Reply