Columns

Reading (Too Much Into) A Text & Getting Hitched at 20

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

DEAR CAT: There is a guy I have known since high school (I am now 22). We never hung out or talked on the phone but we see each other once in a while and chat. He came into my store last week to make a purchase, then we went to lunch. He asked what I was doing later in the day, I gave him my number, and we talked and watched a movie later that night. He hasn’t called me since then, though I know he came to my store to pick up his purchase. I texted him yesterday to ask why he wanted my number, and his reply was, “because you seem like a cool chick and not to mention sexy.” If that is true, wouldn’t he contact me again or make plans to hang out? I don’t want to look desperate and keep contacting him. I’m very confused and need a little advice. – CONFUSED IN PITTSBURGH

DEAR CONFUSED: It’s good you only want a little advice because that’s all you need. He gave you an honest, simple answer – he asked for your number because you caught his attention. Don’t lose sleep by reading more into it. He’s already shown that he’ll ask for what he wants. He wanted your number, asked for it, and got it. He wanted to hang out, asked for it, and got it. When he wants another date…you get the idea. Whether you should give him what he asks for next, that’s another matter. Your instincts are 100% right to stop contacting him, so…Cat’s Call: Stop it.

DEAR CAT: I need an objective opinion. What would you say to a 20 year young girl who just announced she’s getting married in 4 months to a guy she has known only 8 months? It is a long-distance relationship. She met him in boot camp and has spent very little time with him (maybe one long weekend and 10 days on vacation). Her future, and all her hopes and dreams, are teetering on the edge if she goes through with this. I am scared to death she will drop out of college to follow him based on the misguided belief that “he is the one.” I am at a loss to help her understand that she will throw her whole life away. Your insight will be most appreciated. — CAN’T BEAR TO WATCH

DEAR CAN’T: I agree that ten days + a long weekend is not the best test drive for marriage. Add her age into the equation and there is obvious reason for concern. On the bright side, it’s possible the marriage won’t happen. If it does, it’s possible she won’t ruin her life. Unless she specifically stated that she plans to drop out of college and trash her hopes and dreams, maybe she’s just in love and happy and whistling the tune of his name. Yes she’s quite young, but not too young to know that marriage and education are not mutually exclusive pursuits. If you are in a position to calmly and maturely emphasize that point to her, do it. Cat’s Call: Every chance you get.

  1. Hi Cat! I have calls about each question. The first one: I know texting is a huge way to communicate nowadays, I do it all the time too. If the guy in question liked her very much he would call her, not only text her. Your advice was right, she will only look desperate if she contacts him further. The second one: The chance of that marriage working out is infinitesimal. Everyone in this young woman’s life should do their part to prevent it in a supportive way without driving her straight down the aisle. Young women can’t afford to risk anything about their futures. Ladies, there will always be men to marry!

    — BAB in Pittsburgh    05/12/2009    Reply

  2. Cat usually your advice is right on the mark but in this case you might have it wrong, people don’t throw their lives away if they decide at a young age that they have found the right person for them. My wife and I were 19 and 20 respectively, when we married after a very short courtship 10 months. I was in the Navy and only got to Pittsburgh on weekends 2-3 time a month. I then deployed to Viet-Nam 5 days after proposing for 7 months. I returned safely in September and we had a fall wedding in September of 1969!! That was almost 40 years ago so tell the young lady to carefully follow her heart!! We did!!

    — George San Diego    05/12/2009    Reply

  3. George from San Diego…as you said, it was almost 40 years ago. Young women have so many more opportunities now than they did then…and by marrying so young, they are limiting those opportunities, especially if they drop out of school. 20-something women should be having fun, going out with their friends, traveling and seeing the world, meeting lots of different guys/people. These opportunities teach young women to be independent, strong and self-sufficient, and that they don’t have to have a husband or boyfriend to be “complete”. I have yet to meet a husband, or a boyfriend for that matter, who would not have a problem with his “way too” young wife doing any of this.

    — Mary, Pittsburgh, PA    05/13/2009    Reply

  4. I agree with Mary from Pittsburgh. George you seem like a good guy and your story is classic like my parents but you must acknowledge the social differences between then and now. Back when you met your wife there was no chance you were skyping or chatting online with other women at the same time. You couldn’t be on a match.com or facebook checking out all the other options in case things with your lady fell through when you were overseas. The biggest point is men and women were expected to get married young back then. Now you’re supposed to make something out of your life before settling down, I think it is good progress. Congratulations on your 40 years…That’s something!

    — Sean, Cleveland    05/13/2009    Reply

bottom


You must preview your comment before submitting.

bottom
Back to top