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His Friend Flaunts An Affair & Social Networking O.D.
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
DEAR CAT: One of my male, married coworkers is having an affair. We have been friends for four years. He got married three years ago and I was in the wedding. Needless to say I was shocked when he told me about his affair, I thought his marriage was perfect! I see him on the weekends, and his wife and my girlfriend have become friends. Now he talks openly about the affair all the time yet he says his marriage is good! I donât say much when he talks about it but honestly I feel disgusted that he could do that to his wife; she is a very nice, classy lady. Maybe it is not my place to judge him but our friendship feels fake because I donât respect him anymore. What can I do? I told my girlfriend about it and she is really mad and wants to tell his wife. What should she do? — TO RAT OR NOT TO RAT?
DEAR TO: Heâs a jerk. Aside from his infidelity, no true friend would put you in the position of having to lie to another friend, i.e. his wife, especially when his extracurricular sex could be putting her in danger. People like to talk about their affairs as though the clandestine relationship is the main show and the marriage is a formality. Time to burst his bubble – tell him how much you respect his wife and you donât want to hear another word about his affair. And stop hanging out with him for a while to let the message sink in. As for telling his wifeâ¦Catâs Call: Thatâs an entirely different question.
DEAR CAT: I used to keep in touch with people through email and phone. That was enough contact, or so I thought. Now I am on several social networking websites (like Facebook), Linkedin for career networking (but I have friends on it too), Twitter (most recently), and I read a handful of blogs every day. The problem is, I donât enjoy doing it. It makes me feel pressure to keep up with everyoneâs blogs, profile updates, who just linked with who, etc. I think Iâve reached networking over-saturation. I know this sounds stupid but this is the direction everything is going, so can you suggest a way to stay connected and enjoy it? Or at least without letting all of it make me feel like Iâm missing something important if I donât do it? — HAPPY MEDIUM
DEAR HAPPY: There is no mandate that you must know the moment-to-moment goings on of everyone in your life. If reading their blogs and tweets and seeing their latest connections and updates doesnât make you feel good, donât bother – or donât bother so often. Pull away from the online networking world a little bit every week. Refrain from signing in to the various sites for a few days. Log off IM for several-day stints unless you must be there for work. Chances are, you wonât miss anything important and youâll find a little peace. Not to worry, big news has a way of finding your inbox or cell phone or Twitter page orâ¦your newspaperâs front page. Catâs Call: Imagine that.
Whatâs YOUR call? Share it below! Email questions to: questions@catscall.com or send snail mail to: Catâs call, Pittsburgh Post-Gazette, 34 Blvd. of the Allies, Pittsburgh, PA 15222.
I like doing the online networking because you DON’T feel pressure like you do in person. Like if you are connected or linked to someone, they don’t know if you look at their profile all the time or once a year. The blog reading is the only aspect where you can get ‘caught’ if someone asks you, “did you see my post about this or that???” I know coworkers who change their blogs all the time and there are not enough hours in a day to keep up with them. Maybe that is why I am better at the job than them :)
— Sjack in Cleveland 05/26/2009 Reply
Tell the wife! Tell the wife! Tell the wife!
— anonymous 05/26/2009 Reply
I agree with the anonymous comment on the affair question, the responsible thing to do is tell the man’s wife. What are friends for if they don’t tell you you’re being cheated on? Even if it’s by her own spouse.
— John, LA 05/26/2009 Reply
Any man who talks about an affair deserves to be busted for it.
— J.C., Pittsburgh PA 05/26/2009 Reply
Hey J.C, anyone who TALKS about an affair should be busted?? I say anyone who HAS an affair deserves to be busted for it. Tell his wife. Tell everyone in the office (since he talks about it there) just to add to his humiliation.
— D.Cam Pittsburgh 05/26/2009 Reply