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Single And Happy (But A Little Bit Lonely) & Becoming An Errand Girl
Tuesday, June 02, 2009
DEAR CAT: People find it bizarre that I am 22 and have yet to be in a serious relationship. But I kind of like my independence and avoiding the typical ridiculous behavior engaged in by other gentlemen suitors. Is my behavior normal? Am I missing anything? Should I follow the path of my peers and play those cheesy games to get girls? I should probably admit that I am not one who is very good at picking up signs of flirtation and Iâve never really been rejected by anyone (mostly from lack of effort). I excel in grad school and get along very well with people at work. Needless to say, a somewhat lonely but healthy ego ensues. Thank you for your consideration. â ALONE BUT OK
DEAR ALONE: Your singleness isnât bizarre, itâs somewhat refreshing. But there is a big difference between not having serious relationships and never socializing romantically with anyone â ever. Catâs Early Call: Lifeâs too short to go years without a good makeout. Yes, you are perfectly normal, but a persistent feeling of loneliness is unhealthy. Not interested in commitment? Fine, but how about fun? Thereâs a lot to be had and youâre missing out due to some oversimplified notions of dating. Youâre not alone, many people miss the most basic signs of flirtation (just as most people flirt poorly then wonder why their efforts didnât succeed). But saying âhiâ makes an introduction like nothing else. And you never have to be cheesy or ridiculous to date. You can be polite and interesting and engaging andâ¦yourself. Catâs Call: Give it a try, starting with âhi.â
DEAR CAT: A few months ago I started a new job that I like a lot. The office is very small (four people total) but professional and well-respected. My boss is great but he quickly made a habit of asking me to do personal errands for him (dry cleaning pickup, runs to the drugstore, etc.). Heâs not patronizing about the requests and he is very appreciative when I do them, but I am afraid that heâs starting to forget these tasks are not part of my job. Is there a way to respectfully decline these errands without ârocking the job boatâ? âNOT A GOPHER
DEAR NOT: Itâs quite possible (about 100%) your boss does consider personal errands to be part of your job description. Even if not, heâs hoping youâll do them without complaint (Mission: Accomplished). Problem is, if you are paid for the time, reimbursed for the expenses, all errands are run during the work day, and doing them doesnât interfere with your job tasks, it will be difficult to decline without creating tension. However, if the errands do cut into your official responsibilities, thatâs the best excuse for declining. But you should (calmly and professionally) raise the issue anyway because the big pink elephant canât be ignoredâ¦your âgreatâ boss is using you as an errand girl, which is patronizing, demeaning, unprofessional, old-fashioned (in the bad way) and will soon create resentment and have you looking elsewhere for employment. Catâs Call: Trust me, Iâve been there.
Whatâs YOUR call? Share it at below! Email questions to questions@catscall.com or send snail mail to: Catâs Call, Pittsburgh Post-Gazette, 34 Blvd. of the Allies, Pittsburgh, PA 15222.
I have had TWO jobs where bosses had me doing personal runs like dry cleaning, prescription pickup, and one asked me to “try” a restaurant with him as a “test” for whether he should take his wife there for their anniversary. Ick! Don’t fall for the very appreciative tone he uses when you do those errands. Start looking for a new job ASAP!
— Another Errand Girl! Philadelphia 06/02/2009 Reply
Are you seriously insane? You have a JOB that you love and are going to rock the boat? It is not demeaning to assist your boss. I have to frequently chide my boss into letting me do the small tasks so that he can focus on the larger projects (on which he can bill his time) and ultimately the firm profits and I do as well. And to boot, in this economy you feel the need to cry about how he asked you to pick up drycleaning? Get real. You need to wise up – you sound like the type who nitpicks everything, overanalyzes each detail until you ruin it for everyone. I bet your coworkers would like your boss to get rid of you – the last person they (and I) want to work with is someone who is lazy and ungrateful.
— Errandboy in Pgh 06/02/2009 Reply
In this day and age, there is a big difference between personal and professional administrative assistants. It is demeaning to be asked to run personal errands for your boss unless your are specifically hired to be a personal assistant and it is outline in your job description that you are going to be running personal errands. I know from experience that you will not be taken seriously as a professional administrative assistant if you are running personal errands for the boss.
— Mary, Pittsburgh, PA 06/03/2009 Reply
I have always done “personal” things for my bosses. At the end of the year, I’ve always received great reviews, a nice bonus and a raise. I never felt it was demeaning or patronizing. I’ve taken cars to have the oil changed, picked up and dropped off dry-cleaning, banking, picked up gifts, etc. I always looked at it as a nice change from the day-to-day office blah. It’s nice to get out once in a while. If something was on my way home from work or to work, I would either leave work a little early for the errand or go in late. Why not look at it from that perspective instead of a negative perspective? There is nothing wrong with helping your boss out with personal things. It also allows you to have a more personal relationship with him or her (not an affair, just more personal) and there is nothing wrong with that. If we all let our business lives be a little more personal, maybe we would be happier in our jobs. Trust me, during review and bonus time, it will prove to be beneficial for you AND him!! Good luck!!
— Jennifer, Pittsburgh, PA 06/04/2009 Reply
Jennifer in Pitt makes good points about work life versus personal life. But Mary in Pitt put it best: “you will not be taken seriously as a professional assistant if you’re running errands for your boss.” I have had several admin assts and I would be embarrassed to ask them to do personal things for me. You can maintain a friendly professional relationship with your assistant without asking her to carry your laundry around and buy you aftershave. If I was an admin asst I would resent those kinds of requests.
— Brian (Boston MA) 06/04/2009 Reply
Sorry, I have to disagree with Mary that you will not be taken seriously if you’re running errands for your boss. I worked with a woman who would do ANYTHING anybody in the office asked her to do. She became one of the most valuable assets not only in the office, but in the company. She was trusted with so many different things and got opportunities to do so many different things because she was willing to help anyone out with anything, including her boss. Her point of view was that they were paying her while she was there, it didn’t really matter what they asked her to do. She was respected and one of the most professional admins I had ever met. No one thought twice about her running errands, etc. for her boss because she viewed everything she did as just trying to be helpful and getting what needed done accomplished.
— Chris, Pittsburgh 06/05/2009 Reply