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'Serial Monogamist' Wants To Date & New Dog Makes Mom Nervous
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
DEAR CAT: Iâve had 3 boyfriends for a total of 6 years with no substantial pauses in dating. The relationships seem to occur unintentionally but friends say they are symptoms of a condition known as âserial dating.â I could see myself ending up with my current boyfriend but Iâm worried that Iâll regret not having spent any time single, and that Iâm missing something by dating constantly. This summer he and I will be in different cities and I want to take a âbreak,â but he doesnât share my concerns so he might make it a break-up. If so, I might seriously regret my decision but I would also regret not taking this opportunity to prove I can be single. Your call? — BETTER OFF ALONE?
DEAR B.O.A.: 1) Youâre not a serial dater, youâre a serial monogamist. Serial daters are usually relationship-shy, which is why theyâre always dating someone new (or several people at once). 2) Relationships donât occur unintentionally, you choose to be in them. 3) When youâre in the right relationship you donât worry that youâre missing something better. 4) A break and a break-up are the same thing. 5) Your desire to âtake a breakâ is the most compelling reason to take one. Catâs Call: If your whole heart isnât devoted to your relationship, why be in it?
DEAR CAT: My parents-in-law recently acquired an adult Pit Bull who was raised by other in-laws. They ask us to come to family gatherings (with our two kids) but now I’m worried about the dog. We have two dogs but this Pit Bull has never been around children and I’m afraid one of my kids will make a sudden move that the dog won’t necessarily like, and attack. Iâve heard about Pit Bull attacks for years, and I don’t believe âit’s how you raise the dog.â My husband shrugs off my hesitation, saying he was raised with Pits and nothing has ever happened. I consider him lucky! How do I express my concern about the dog without causing bad feelings in the family? BULL-IED IN PITTSBURGH
DEAR BULL: I love animals, especially dogs, but the breed is irrelevant here. Any animal can bite if properly provoked (just ask Mike Tyson); itâs a fact of life and a reason to respect dogs and treat them with kindness. Putting this dog in the company of two young, strange kids is asking for trouble – for the kids and the dog (if your kids smack the dog in the face and he reacts badly, youâll blame the dog). Do your children truly respect animals and know how to treat them? Do they pull dogsâ tails or toss food around? Even good-natured dogs get tired of kidsâ antics. Donât pussyfoot around this one – just say youâre nervous about a dog whoâs never been around children, and likewise you canât guarantee kidsâ behavior. Start by giving your kids a good talking-to about how to behave and make frequent, short visits with the dog and supervise every moment. Youâre all part of the same pack now, so you should get to know the dog, too. Do this right andâ¦Catâs Call: It will be the beginning of a beautiful friendship.
Whatâs YOUR call? Share it below! Submit questions here or send snail mail to: Catâs Call, Pittsburgh Post-Gazette, 34 Blvd. of the Allies, Pittsburgh, PA 15222.
For the pit bull situation, I would put my foot down HARD. I’m sorry, but I’m tired of people who put animals first before the safety of children. We have no idea what animals are capable of doing (especially pit bulls) and I see no reason to take any chances here. I would not allow my kids around the dog at all. I’m not saying to make your kids paranoid to walk out their front door, but this breed of dog is very dangerous. To succumb to doing anything you are uncomfortable with would be a terrible mistake. Our children need to be protected and we are the only ones who can protect them. These dogs should not be allowed in the same space as the kids when they visit and the children should be thoroughly explained to on how to treat animals. I’m very worried about these children -please keep them safe.
— Debbie, Mt. Lebanon 06/30/2009 Reply
I am so sick of people defending Pit Bulls, how great they are with families, it’s “how you raise them”, all of it. You’re right Cat about any dog has a limit to what they put up with from kids. I am very glad you talked about that, people let their kids treat dogs like barbie dolls and punching bags. In the case of pits they can’t be controlled once they turn on you, they are too strong which is what makes them too dangerous. Debbie is also right that child safety comes first but remember kids can speak up for themselves, dogs cannot.
— tbaz seattle 06/30/2009 Reply
Cat I notice a ‘mike tyson’ joke is in the column here but not on the post-gazette copy. Why? It’s funny! Caught me off guard and made me laugh when I saw it here. LOL You could have used Marv Albert too.
— Sam, Pgh 06/30/2009 Reply
My call: If you’re in a relationship and feel like you’re “missing out,” you ARE.
— John 15219 06/30/2009 Reply
Cat, I have always been a fan, but even more so now. Your advice to BULL-IED IN PITTSBURGH was dead on. I moonlight at a pet store. I look forward to being knocked over and nearly drowned by soggy kisses from all the pit bulls I see every day. These dogs are great. Like people, every dog is an individual and should not be stereotyped. Every living thing should be given a chance.
— Nicole, Pittsburgh 06/30/2009 Reply
I’m most surprised that “Better Off Alone” has found relationship after relationship. She must be one of those women who always says “my boyfriend this” and “my boyfriend that.” She might like saying “I did this” and “I went there”. Boyfriends are great (i luv mine, my future husband :) ) but it is empowering to know how to stand on your own.
— Cara, Pittsburgh 06/30/2009 Reply
I think NICOLE is living in a dream world. She will someday get knocked down by the wrong PIT BULL and be torn apart. Few other breed of dogs are as un-predictable and dangerous as these! They have NO place around children and anyone with half an ounce of common sense would NEVER allow their child within sight of these MONSTERS. It is no different than having a LION or such animals for a pet. DEBBIE and TBAZ are RIGHT ON with their comments! Personally, I think PIT BULLS, like wild animals, should be illegal to own.
— RON 06/30/2009 Reply
Pit Bulls have a unique jaw mechanism that, to put it simply, allow the dog to clamp onto an object while tearing at it. Because of the potential for great harm due to this jaw and also the breed’s known unpredictable temperament they should be kept far away from children. Far, far away.
— b 06/30/2009 Reply
Hey Nicole, Cat wasn’t defending pit bulls, she was saying you have to respect dogs can bite if people don’t treat them with care. I love dogs but I wouldn’t have a pit bull if you paid me. Our big dogs are spoiled like crazy and perfectly behaved and we never hit them or caged them as puppies (that’s cruel if you ask me). Our kids are spoiled too but they know not to bother the dogs when they’re sleeping or eating, not to blast music or scream around them, or yank on their tails or leashes. As “b” explained pit bulls get jaw-lock. I don’t want that jaw locked on me. Cat was just explaining respect for animal treatment and pack culture, not saying you should let kids play with pits! That’s just stupidity.
— T. in CA 06/30/2009 Reply
Ladies, if you’re not sure you want to marry the man, there’s no reason to be in an exclusive relationship.
— Zman USA 06/30/2009 Reply
Regarding “BETTER OFF ALONE,” I think that people feel some type of need to be in a relationship without always knowing why. As if they feel they’re somehow inadequate without having a mate nearby. I also think the fear of being alone is greater than the fear of being with a jerk (not that it’s the case here).
Conquer your fear. Being alone doesn’t make you an outcast or an oddball. Don’t be in a rush to jump into another relationship when the previous one ends.
Life is about enjoying your time on this Earth and not always needing to have someone attached to your elbow.
Regarding the pit bull, any dog can bite. And kids who don’t understand dogs are in danger of being bit.
I once heard that all dogs are five minutes away from being a wild beast. There’s some truth to that. It’s something that people should keep in mind when they or their children are around strange dogs.
As a parent, I would limit my children’s contact with a pit bull. I’ve known two people whose dogs turned on them. One dog was a Doberman, and the other dog was a Great Dane. Both ended with hundreds of stitches and both dogs being put down.
— Mike, Downtown 06/30/2009 Reply
Dear Better Off Alone?
What’s wrong with a little monogamy? It sounds to me like your fast and loose friends have convinced you that trampy behavior is the way to go. I think you’re more likely to regret that you ditched a good boyfriend for no good reason.
Dee’s Call: Your only condition is that you’re a one man woman. Be proud
— Dee Natrona 07/01/2009 Reply