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She'd Be Perfect - After A Boob Job & When Friends Won't Listen
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
DEAR CAT: My boyfriend is really pressuring me to get my breasts enlarged. For a long time I didnât want to face the reality that he was shallow like that but now he mentions it at least every other day. Weâve been together more than a year and everything with us is good except this problem. He says I would be perfect with a âslightly larger chest.â To be honest, I have a decent B cup and I donât want them bigger. Iâve said Iâm not interested in doing that, then he slumps and says, âok,â like a little kid. This is affecting my attraction to him at this point. Your call? —PERFECT ALREADY
DEAR PERFECT: Ah yes, itâs always flattering to hear youâre not quite perfect. Hey, if he wants to play with bigger breasts, he should go buy some. Let him spend thousands of dollars to have his body cut open and his pecs shoved full of gooey balloons that he can play with âtil the cows come home. Heâs not suggesting you wear more blue because it brings out your eyes. Heâs suggesting a dangerous, purely cosmetic surgical procedure you donât even want. Catâs Call 1: He shouldnât have made the âenlargementâ suggestion in the first place. Catâs Call 2: Things canât be all good in the relationship if he feels free to badger you about it. Catâs Call 3: A man who pouts is so not hot.
DEAR CAT: Earlier this summer I was attacked by a dog. The wounds werenât awful but the idea of it still upsets me. I tried talking about it with people I am close to (I feel talking it out is the best medicine possible) but they made me feel like I should have been over it by now. Then I went to a friend whoâs been reliable in the past. She only said, âpeople have different ways of coping.â This statement just made me so angry. From the day we met Iâve heard all about her problems and issues (like how much she hates her job), then I tell her one problem and she wonât listen. Iâve had it with listening to her problems all the time. She just seems like a miserable person who is only happy if sheâs venting to other people. I don’t know if the friendship is worth it anymore. Your call? â TIRED OF BEING DISMISSED
DEAR T.O.B.D.: You have two separate problems. #1 is your need to deal with the attack. Your friends (and perhaps even you) may not understand how deeply this affected you and they canât be blamed for that. You should talk to a professional. Donât balk at the idea â trauma comes in many forms and proper talk therapy requires an appropriate sounding board. Problem #2: Keeping one-sided friendships. Not all friendships are deep and thatâs okay. But when someone who was once reliable can now only offer a dayâs worth of bitching, itâs no longer okay because itâs hurting you. Catâs Call: If you have to wonder if a friendship is worth keeping, it probably isnât.
Whatâs your call? Share it below! Submit questions here or send snail mail to: Catâs Call, Pittsburgh Post-Gazette, 34 Blvd. of the Allies, Pittsburgh, PA 15222.
I love your answer about the breast enlargement! I do wonder, however, if you should suggest that she leave that guy. I agree he is in the wrong for pressing the ‘boob job’ issue but she take some role for staying with a guy like that. LOL he can play with his own boobs til the cows come home. That is very funny Cat :)
— 15213 Girl 08/11/2009 Reply
Hey Cat,
Here’s a response to you answer to the woman whose bf wants her to get a boob job: HA! You pretty much nailed it with that one. I’m a guy and I don’t even get it. Doesn’t everyone know that breast implants are fake. F-A-K-E. It’s Barbie meets Jessica Rabbit. She should just stuff her bra with the crinkled Sunday Paper, saunter up to her so-called boyfriend and say “hey baby, am I perfect or what.” HIM: Honey, have you seen the sports section? Chuck’s Call: Lose the loser.
— Chuck 08/11/2009 Reply
Every time your boob of a boyfriend mentions breast enlargements, you should suggest he get a penis enlargement…actually, you should dump his shallow butt asap…
— John 15215 08/11/2009 Reply
The breast implants will last longer than this relationship will. Dump the guy.
— Jay 08/11/2009 Reply
I think your call to the friend problem is dead on accurate. I imagine many people would think it’s overboard to seek therapy for someting like a dog attack but you are right trauma is a relative concept; what is ‘nothing’ to one person is life-changing for the person standing next to them. Furthermore the lack of support from her friends can make the emotional toll worse. By the way, hilarious call on the breast enlargement. I passed that one around the office.
— John, Smack Dab Middle Of USA 08/11/2009 Reply
I know it is hard to end a relationship, but in the case of Perfect, this needs to be done ASAP. Cat you are right on about this and this guy is nothing but bad news. I’m worried about Perfect’s self esteem as (1) this guy hasn’t done much for it and (2) women sometimes get involved with guys like this when they have low self esteem and it is very hard to break things off with them.
I say rip the bandaid off right now and while you may miss him, find someone who loves you for who you are and who does not try to manipulate you.
And T.O.B.D -I agree with Cat as well -and am so sorry for what happened to you. I too have been disappointed in my share of friends….and I am sure that having this traumatic experience with a dog is very hard to cope with…find someone who you can talk to that will be supportive….you need lots of love right now….
— Debbie, Mt. Lebanon 08/11/2009 Reply
My understanding with breast enhancement surgery is that there are a variety of potential complications. Any surgery like that should only be done if it is really necessary. Now, we donât know anything else about the boyfriend except for this obession. But that is a pretty big negative, for him to pressure his girlfriend to have potentially dangerous surgery, apparently for his benefit. What would a guy like that be like in twenty years? Perfect Already should probably think about her long range plans, and how much more time she wants to spend with this guy.
— Ed Pittsburgh 08/11/2009 Reply
Hi Cat, I am a native Pittsburgher, and I visit family there a few times a year. I moved away decades ago, and I read the Post-Gazette online. I just wanted to compliment you on your fine column and your wise advice. You are quite the sensible one! Thanks for your ongoing help to those who seem to need your clear voice of reason!
— Mary, Melbourne FL 08/11/2009 Reply
The boyfriend’s boob fixation is an obvious problem. Even more is that this woman has been with him so long. If she’s that close to perfect that all she needs is one cup size up, she can do better than him….the problem is that she doesn’t know it. Your call #3 about men who pout made me snort my drink.
— superduper 91607 08/11/2009 Reply
Good call on the breast enlargement; I wish I had been endowed with at least a “B” but hubby likes me for what I have. He has repeatedly said fakes are no enticement. LOL As for the dog bite, get professional help. You can have Post Traumatic Stress disorder from something relatively minor like that.
— Mary, Punxsutawney 08/12/2009 Reply
In response to Perfect Already, let’s say that you actually go get the enlargement to make your boyfriend happy. Then what’s next? He decided he doesn’t really like your nose the way it is? Or maybe you could lose a few pounds? Maybe your lips aren’t the right size? Then when you get older, are you going to have to get a face lift and a tummy tuck to satisfy him? He’s the kind of guy that will never be happy and that’s definitely not the kind of guy you want to be with. Dump him! You’ll find a guy who thinks the way you look naturally is absolutely beautiful.
— Jennifer, Pittsburgh 08/12/2009 Reply
I SO agree with “John 15215.” As soon as he gets that penis implant . . .
The guy needs to grow up, but don’t stick around waiting for that to happen any time soon. I have six words for this girl . . . dump him, dump him, dump him.
— Chris, Pittsburgh 08/12/2009 Reply
Hi Cat,
I saw your twitter post about staycations, really funny! Anyway I want to chime in on the ‘boob job boyfriend’ question. He shouldn’t be constantly suggesting it, it’s like saying to your girlfriend “go on a little diet” all the time. She shouldn’t bother with a guy who doesn’t like her body. I think you made a really important point about the relationship having bigger or hidden problems if he acts like that in the first place, and she puts up with it.
— Tom USA 08/15/2009 Reply
Would a woman ask her boyfriend to change after a year? Let’s just say a girl falls madly in love with a man that has a beer belly. After a year would it be so wrong for her to suggest that he went to the gym or watched what he ate? I dont think so, so whats the big deal here.
— shawn 08/16/2009 Reply