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They're Friends At Work, But Only At Work & Her Friend Is A Party 'Pusher'
Tuesday, September 08, 2009
DEAR CAT: I have a friend at work who I’m really cool with. She is married and I know she loves her husband very much. At work we get along well, talk openly about our lives and she considers me a good friend. What bothers me is when I text or email her outside of work, she never responds. The only time she responded was when I expressed feelings about a girl at work whom I like, and she was very supportive (I’m still not totally over this girl). She seems like she cares about me and itâs mutual. When she emails me at my personal address, I always respond back. She knows I don’t like it when people don’t respond, and she doesn’t like that either. I’m confused, are we really friends, just half-friends, or mere coworkers? Does this mean anything? — FRIEND OR NO?
DEAR FRIEND: Yes, your friendship is real, but itâs also limited. Donât sweat it, work friendships often ebb outside the office. You have to remember that sheâs married and her husband might question why sheâs taking time to consol you, email you, text you or otherwise spend time focused on you. Of course nobody likes to be âignoredâ but she is, after all, a married woman and her non-work time will understandably be spent with her husband, not a single, male coworker. Donât read anything into it, just enjoy the friendship as it is. On another note, try befriending and dating women outside your workplace. Catâs Call: Itâs a crazy idea but give it a shot.
DEAR CAT: For the last two years a friend has been selling Tastefully Simple products. If youâre not familiar with it, she finds someone to host a party and then attempts to sell products to those in attendance. I feel obligated to go to these parties but the problem is she has one almost every week! The products are nice, but quite expensive when compared to grocery store brands. She constantly badgers our friends to have parties so she can sell an additional $3,000 worth of products, which would win her a trip to Cancun. She refers to this as her âjobâ but it feels more like a charity case. How can I be expected to give her money for overpriced meals while my husband and I are struggling ourselves? Iâve declined invitations in the past but she is relentless. How do I say no without hurting her feelings or damaging the friendship? — I TASTEFULLY DECLINE
DEAR TASTEFUL: Iâve never heard of Tastefully Simple but even if the products are good itâs certainly not tasteful to pressure your friends to support you. I understand your hesitation to give it to her straight but you should be able to tell her youâre not interested without jeopardizing the relationship. Hey, even if she sells products you want to buy doesnât mean you will (or can) buy them all the time. If she canât make a go of this venture without using pressure tactics on her friends, sheâs in the wrong line of work. What irks me mostâ¦Catâs Call: Itâs not really âwinningâ the Cancun trip if her friends paid for it.
Whatâs your call? Share it below! Submit questions here or send snail mail to: Catâs Call, Pittsburgh Post-Gazette, 34 Blvd. of the Allies, Pittsburgh, PA 15222.
I hate hate HATE those ‘party pushers’, funny name by the way! When my husband and I lived in southern CA a few women on our block were into that. It was awful! You don’t want to be rude but you don’t want the products and sitting around listening about all of it is torture! I’d rather talk about football!!!
— Barbara. PGH 09/08/2009 Reply
Your call in the first question is right on the mark. It’s okay to have work friendships, we all do. But because of that a lot of single people do not seem to understand what marriage is. When you are married it’s not right to develop close friendships with single people of the opposite sex. Single people will not like to hear that but it is true.
— Stewart B. 09/08/2009 Reply
Hey “stewart” you are mixed up. Cat’s call in that question didn’t say married people and single people shouldn’t be friends, she recommends the guy extend his social circle to women outside the office. I agree that guy shouldn’t have expectations about the friendship with the married woman but married and single people CAN be friends!
— MK 09/08/2009 Reply
Pretty clear that Stewart only sees women as potential sex partners. Yes, married and unmarried people can and are friends – egad!
Work Friend should understand that there are often limits on workplace relationships and respect the fact that his friend, for whatever reason, doesn’t want to be his on-call buddy. Too bad that her refusing to respond to off-hour texts and calls (of an obviously unimportant, yappy nature) wasn’t a clue enough for him.
— Isembard 09/08/2009 Reply
RE: They’re Friends At Work, But Only At Work
That man should stop bothering his married co-worker, and look for women outside the office.
— Marc, Squirrel Hill 09/08/2009 Reply
As a consultant for the past 8 1/2 years with Tastefully Simple, I have to share that I was appalled by several things in your article.
First, Tastefully Simple is an industry leading member of the Direct Sales Association with roughly $140 million in sales this past year. We have over 25,000 consultants nationwide offering our clients delicious, easy to prepare food products geared towards today’s busy lifestyles…one or two ingredients added and you have a wonderful meal, appetizer or dessert. Our product price range is from $4.29 to $9.99 and in today’s economic times, our clients appreciate the VALUE of our products in their entertaining and meal planning.
Second, as consultants, we are offered many levels of training, encouraging consultants to promote their businesses with the highest level of class and dignity. Just as in every walk of life, there may be consultants who don’t live up to our guiding principles and may not be as considerate as they should be, but to basically slander a whole company due to ONE of it’s consultants is insulting and extremely unethical on your part.
Finally, incentive trips & various rewards are offered by countless companies and offer opportunities for people to visit dream destinations that would not be possible without the companies we are a part of. They are not “won”…they are earned, by hard work, dedication and respect for yourself and your company.
Signed…A very proud Tastefully Simple Consultant
— Tricia, Chicago 09/08/2009 Reply
I agree with Cat on both. I would just like to add though that I don’t think it was “tasteful” to list the name of the company in the 2nd posting.
My mother has worked for the past 39 years for a different home sales based company (similar to this one) and worked very hard to develop a customer base without being pushy or intrusive. She was able to put both my brother and I through college (even though she had no college herself) and moved her way into management with the company. I have grown up in this type of environment and know that these types of companies are very reputable and the people who join on to work for them are hard working people just like the rest of us. I would have been crushed if her company name was listed here and really feel bad for those who work for Tastefully Simple.
I think the posting was a disgrace to all who work for this company and agree with another response on here that this was just one bad apple -as you get with any company. For the friend -you supported her and have done your part. Enough is enough! Put your foot down.
PS I’ve been to those parties and you all need to try the delicious breads they have! Seriously…
— Debbie, Mt. Lebanon 09/08/2009 Reply
Tricia from Chicago, don’t try the holier than thou stance, if the question was about another company you wouldn’t care. You’d write in to say that woman doesn’t know how to sell. You’re “appalled” because Cat never heard of your company, no other reason. Using the company’s name (like anyone’s ever heard of it??) gives authenticity to it. Nobody said the company makes its salespeople pawn products off on friends, that women does it and she’s just rude. End of story. Get over it.
— James (PGH) 09/08/2009 Reply
The name of the brand in the “home sales party” article should not have been printed. You could substitute any number of names and the problem/solution would be the same. Personally, I would not be caught dead at any of those things – I went to one or two of them around 30 years ago and it was among the most boring evenings of my life. If it comes up again, just tell them you don’t have time but you’ll look at the catalog to see if there is anything you want (or not).
— nn from NJ 09/08/2009 Reply
I posted a comment earlier about the first question but I have to chime in about the party question. The name of the company is irrelevant people! I agree with James that using the real name is “authentic.” This is a newspaper, there are supposed to be facts/names/whens/wheres! If the question said, “there is a rude barista at my neighborhood Starbucks…” nobody would care. Nobody would say it’s dissing Starbucks. I think those sales parties a bit 1950’s but that’s just me. If people like them, fine, if not, whatever. The topic is: how you treat your friends, that should be obvious.
— MK 09/08/2009 Reply