Columns
Keep Germs To Yourself & Helping A Friend Through A Breakup
Tuesday, November 03, 2009
DEAR CAT: I work in television so you can imagine how hectic and crowded our offices and studios are on a daily basis. With the swine and regular flu fears at a record high I am astonished (and not a little angry!) when coworkers show up coughing and sneezing all over the place. Believe me, I fully understand having a great work ethic and not wanting to leave your colleagues in the lurch but I have kids, a husband and my own job and health to maintain, and it seems the height of disrespect and disregard to subject innocent coworkers to your illness. You agree with this, right? — HEALTHY, FOR NOW
DEAR HEALTHY: I emphatically agree! Coughing and sneezing into the crook of your elbow is incredibly important but even more so is doing it at home so thereâs zero chance of spreading your cooties to anyone else. Hey sickies, give people a break. It is the height of hubris to assume your infected presence is a welcome sight at the office. The only person who might respect you for showing up when youâre half-dead is the kind of boss who doesnât care if youâre all dead. Catâs Call: If youâve got one of those, use the sick time to dust off your resume.
DEAR CAT: Iâm a 32 yr old single guy. My friend, heâs 31, complained to me for a year about his girlfriend (she was pretty bad, we were tired of her after a month). Finally he followed my advice to break up with her and find someone who will treat him better. That was a few months ago and heâs been depressed ever since. He recently told me that he blames me, and heâd still be happy if he hadnât listened to me. I told him, âYou were miserable with her. You asked for my honest opinion and I gave it to you.â Itâs like he doesnât remember what a mess he was back then. I donât feel guilty but Iâd still like to help him. Any words of wisdom I can pass on? — CATâS CALL COPYCAT
DEAR C.C.C.: Heâs not really mad at you, heâs mad at the truth. Itâs especially tough when a distraught friend asks for your honest opinion, then blames you when they donât like it. At this point the wisest words you can pass on include: âget dressed, weâre going out,â and, âthereâs someone I want you to meet,â and, âyou look like hell, weâre going shopping.â It says something that he stayed in a miserable relationship, so if youâre truly concerned about him, you might add, âyou should talk to a professional.â The longer he sits around depressed and resentful the worse off he (and your friendship) will be. There are no magic words to heal heartbreak butâ¦.Catâs Call: Having great friends who get you up and out is the next best thing.
Whatâs your call? Share it below! Submit column questions here or send snail mail to: Catâs Call, Pittsburgh Post-Gazette, 34 Blvd. of the Allies, Pittsburgh, PA 15222.
Thank you for the question about being sick in the workplace!! When are people going to realize how disgusting it is to be sick around healthy people? Never, that’s when. At least not until the rest of us come down hard about it! One sneeze in an elevator and everyone in there can get sick, and I’m sick of that! “height of hubris” is a great way to put it, you go girl!
— Dana in SC (from the Burgh!) 11/03/2009 Reply
I was surprised to see the second question is from a guy, I guess it shows my ignorance because I would assume this is a woman’s issue. I’ve been there. You’re asked “please give me your honest opinion” and then it backfires. This happened to me in college and my friend didn’t get over it. They got back together and she assumed I hated him so she pretty much cut me out of her life. In hindsight it’s better and I’m not sorry but it’s a common problem.
— Michelle D. 11/03/2009 Reply
Sickness that involves a stuffy/sneezy nose can take two weeks to go away sometimes. And germs can even linger after a person feels better. Honestly, even though I don’t want people’s sickness, I can’t fault them for showing up at work. You can’t wait until ALL the sniffles are gone — nobody has that much time off.
— Rebecca, Ohio 11/03/2009 Reply
Cat – Your answer to the sickness-phobe person was just not practical, particularly in this economy but even when times were better. Many jobs have limited time off, even for illness, and other jobs have quotas that must be met, sick or no. Our work culture encourages and even demands that people come in sick. The common cold is not considered a reason to miss work. Plus, there are people like me who have a cold for weeks, plus allergies. I sympathize with the germ phobes out there, and I cover my nose (yes, I use the arm now, as is recommended), use tissues, use hand sanitizer as needed, and even wipe my work surfaces down with rubbing alcohol (partly so I don’t keep reinfecting myself, lol). People need to use common sense precautions, and, yes, when you have the flu or something serious, stay home. However, people sneezing in public does not always mean they are ill, particularly in allergy season. In a perfect world, people would stay home even for a cold, but we live in an imperfect world.
As for the second questioner, when a friend complains about a significant other, I hold off on counseling a break up, as I know I tend to be overprotective and am only getting one side of the story; but if matters seem very bad or abusive in some way, I would be honest. Since the honesty was put out there already, I agree with Cat’s advice that the depressed friend needs to be taken out, cheered up, and possibly could use come counseling. Having been through a break up many years ago that was the right thing to do (because of the bad treatment I received) but still caused me heartache, I understand that your friend is grieving for what might have been and for his own stupidity in putting up with bad behavior. It will take a bit for him to recover, but I know my friends were a great help in drawing me out when I had the breakup blues. He will find someone better – I sure did!
— Karen C - Pittsburgh 11/03/2009 Reply
Karen C. and Rebecca make perfectly valid points but I don’t think Cat is sugesting people become hermits whenever they sneeze. We all know it takes a few weeks for cold or flu to go away but the crux of the question is to stay away from people while you’re contagious. The average cold takes about 5 days to lose contagiousness. If that means staying home that week oh well. If the public was more educated about the contagious stage of common sicknessess then people would stay home and the rest of us would be ok.
— John 15219 11/03/2009 Reply
Cat’s view on the sick workers in the office is absolutely correct. But the advice to the guy who counselled his buddy to break up with his girlfriend is for the most part written from a womens perspective (which is fine, but it just isn’t too applicable to men). Here’s the thing, guy’s don’t typically ask their guy buddies for that type of advice; we like to figure things out for ourselves in our caves. And if we are asked for this type of advice, guys shouldn’t give it for several reasons, not the least of which is the fact that we are typically pretty shallow and selfish. If the issue is truly important to guy who is thinking about leaving his girl, he better figure it out on his own and not rely on another guy to tell him the right thing to do. As for the current situation, this fella better not give his buddy any more advice. If the buddy is truly despondent, maybe he should see a professional counsellor. But Cat was absolutely right in her final suggestions that basically advised that the despondent friend has to do something to snap out of it; in other words, he has to buck up. I did like that advice.
— Carm in Pittsburgh 11/03/2009 Reply
The comment by “Carm in Pittsburgh” is the reason women think we’re cavemen. I see his point but he sounds like an older generation like over 50. The truth is men do talk about relationships with our friends, maube we don’t go into every detail like women do but if a guy is getting screwed over by a woman he’ll talk about it. Along the same lines we talk about them when things are going great. If a man tries to figure everything out for himself he’ll have no girlfriend in no time.
— Charlie, Denver 11/03/2009 Reply
After I’ve had a cold, I will have a small cough and stuffy nose for up to 10 days after I am feeling better. I REFUSE to waste all of my sick time just because people are paranoid that they are going to get the Swine Herp from me. I’m tired of getting the side eye from people every time I cough (and I ALWAYS cover my nose and mouth with my sleeve or a tissue). I agree with the previous poster, it’s not practical to demand that people use their sick time everytime they sneeze. I can understand if you’ve got a fever or feel like a zombie, but come on! If you’d like to donate your sick time to me to use, I will gladly stay home like you’ve requested!
— Kat 11/03/2009 Reply
some of us have bosses who frown on sick days
— Beth 11/03/2009 Reply
Beth: I suggest that if you’re sick at work, when you’re boss is away, go cough into his coffee mug. Charley in Denver: You need to grow a pair.
— Carm in Pittsburgh 11/03/2009 Reply
There are a lot of company’s that no longer give their employees sick time. Instead you have PTO, or paid time off. But this time does not add any additional days to what is essentially your vacation time. And once this time is used up, you either come to work or take a day off with NO PAY. If I have the flu, yes, I am going to stay home. But just because I have a cold, sniffles, cough, etc. I am not going to waste this time, assuming I still have some of this time left to use. I’d love to stay home if I was feeling under the weather, but I don not feel we have that luxury.
— Mike in Pittsburgh 11/03/2009 Reply
My company allows only SIX sick days per year. Those are used for my more SERIOUS medical problems than a little cold. Bring Kleenex, hand sanitizer, Lysol, Clorox wipes, whatever, to keep your workplace clean and encourage the use of them. If everyone stayed at home with a cough or sniffle, nothing would ever get done.
— Beth in Washington 11/05/2009 Reply
This is excellent advice, why don’t people understand it’s for when people are really sick, not allergy sneezing or whatever. Right now there are two fully sick people in my office and we all wish they’d go home!! Honestly if I get sick from being near them I’m going to tell them off.
— J. (Virginia) 11/09/2009 Reply
I almost made that mistake (“Are you expecting?”) a few months ago. I actually thought before talking and decided to keep it shut.
Regarding that first one, it seems that either she’s ashamed of him for one reason or another (socio-economic status, race, might not be handsome enough, who knows). Or maybe she’s truly afraid to be in a serious relationship after just getting out of one. Or maybe she doesn’t feel the same way that he feels about her. So many questions.
In any case, this guy needs to find out quickly for himself if he is in a dead-end relationship. There’s no point in prolonging the misery. He just needs to find out what city the ex-boyfriend moved to and flee in the opposite direction.
— Mike, Pittsburgh 11/10/2009 Reply