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Getting Promoted To "Boyfriend" & He Ruined The Party With A Big, Fat Insult
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
DEAR CAT: In July 2008 I became friends with a wonderful woman. It quickly evolved into more and caused her six-year relationship to end (resulting in her ex boyfriend moving to another state). Back in January we expressed our love for one another but she still hasn’t let me meet her parents or hang out with her friends. When she’s at work or at her parent’s house she won’t say âI love youâ over the phone, and she refuses to call me âboyfriend.â Instead she argues that best friends can be in love with each other and calling me her boyfriend doesn’t feel right. She constantly says that she loves me and wants to spend the rest of her life with me, but these tiny red flags scare me. What should I do? — MYSTIFIED IN MICHIGAN
DEAR M.M.: The red flags arenât tiny, especially from a woman coming off a six year relationship. Itâs time for you to have âthe talk.â It should be calm and understanding and it needs to happen before resentment settles in. For many months youâve spoken words of love and talked about a permanent future but she wonât call you her boyfriend? That is a major concern. Itâs easy to make promises in private but it takes a true sense of commitment to incorporate someone into your life. Even if her last relationship left her hesitant, at this point you should have met her friends and family. And maybe sheâs not into saying âI love youâ when others are listening, but if you feel someone is âhidingâ youâ¦.Catâs Call: They just might be.
DEAR CAT: I made the biggest faux pas in the world. I came back to the office after several months working abroad and my coworkers had a little âwelcome backâ party. It was very thoughtful but I ruined it by congratulating one of them on her pregnancy. She gave me a confused and said, âexcuse me?â I knew I must have let the cat out of the bag and obviously she hadnât told everyone the big news. Turns out sheâs not pregnant! She gained a lot of weight over the months and since I knew she was getting married soonâ¦you can understand how I made the connection. Since then Iâm getting the icy treatment at the office. How can I smooth things over? — OPEN MOUTH, REMOVE FOOT
DEAR FOOT: Donât be so hard on yourself. Something like, âhey tubby, did you eat my coworker?â would be a bigger faux pas. Your coworkers need to get over it, and in time they will eventually realize you were trying to be nice and made a simple mistake. But on your part it shows a decided lack of tact to comment on anyoneâs weight gain. Even if she were pregnant, your congrats would be evidence that sheâs âshowingâ and if the pregnancy is still a secretâ¦you get the picture. Iâm sure youâve already apologized profusely, now just get back to your office routine and move on. One more thingâ¦Catâs Call: Either youâve seen âTwo Weeks Noticeâ too many times, or not enough.
Whatâs your call? Share it below! Submit column questions here or send snail mail to: Catâs Call, Pittsburgh Post-Gazette, 34 Blvd. of the Allies, Pittsburgh, PA 15222.
I did that! One time I thought one of my neighbors was pregnant and I asked her when she was due. Everyone gave me the dirtiest look (it was at a block party) and it took them a while to get past it. I was new in the building and it was really uncomfortable for a while when I ran into those people. I even had a few women say “you’re a woman, you should know better!” LOL Yeah like being awoman means you automatically know everything about pregnancy. I just wanted to share my funny story :)
— Kelly, Portland 11/10/2009 Reply
LOL, because of my body shape (thinner arms/legs and a belly that looks six months along) I am frequently asked by complete strangers “when are you due”. I laugh and say “I’m not, this is the result of ten pregnancies”. Since I am past the usual child-bearing age I consider it a compliment that they think I look young enough to be pregnant!
— Mary Punxsutawney 11/10/2009 Reply
Oh dear. Bet you that she is not broken up with that first boyfriend. He moved away and that made it convenient for her to have both! She just can’t let her family etc. know about boyfriend number two.
— Terry 11/10/2009 Reply
Here is what I do regarding co-workers, or anyone else who looks like they are pregnant. Until they (themselves) tell me they’re pregnant, or I’m there to see the baby being born, I NEVER say anything. I don’t care if they are as big as my 6×9 office cube and waddling down the halls I NEVER say a word. This way my nine and a half EEE feet stay firmly planted on the floor.
— Not A Lawyer, Pgh 11/10/2009 Reply
LOL on the pregnancy thing. Everyone I know has either done that themselves or seen it done. That’s how we all learn. My story was that I was standing next to my boss and one of my peers came into the room, looked at our boss and said “oh congratulations, when are you due?” It was mortifying to all of us when the boss gave her an icy stare and said “I am not pregnant” in clipped tones. I had my head down but the boss was pissed at me too since I was there to witness her humiliation!
That was enough for me…..now I don’t say anything until I get the invitation to the baby shower!
An even worse story…the one about the really heavy woman who was pregnant but no one congratulated her because she was so heavy at the outset that you couldn’t see the pregnancy even in her 9th month….so that one is “Oh, I couldn’t tell you were pregnant.”
Both are bad!!
— Susan, Mt. Lebanon 11/12/2009 Reply
I hope things worked out for both these people, and can’t wait until the drama of this Tuesday’s column.
— carm in pittsburgh 11/15/2009 Reply