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He Has A 10% Chance Of Getting Her Back & Free Tickets? No Thanks.
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
DEAR CAT: Several years ago I was in an on-and-off relationship with Carrie. During an âoffâ period I met Jane and we hit it off but I was afraid to date her in public for fear of running into Carrie. Eventually I cut things off with Jane and went back to Carrie. Now Iâve been single for a year and trying to get back with Jane but she is so hot and cold. Sheâs been dating someone for six months but sheâll text or Facebook me saying she wants to see me. I respond but she doesnât write back. I donât know what to think, she says she wants to see me, then when the time comes she ignores me. This is how itâs been for a year. Is she stringing me along as a back-up plan? Please let me know your thoughts because I cannot read this girl. â SEE JANE IGNORE ME
DEAR SEE: Ha ha, youâre getting a dose of your own medicine and you see how bad it tastes. Man, Iâd like her so much if she werenât cheating on her current boyfriend. That said, you barely dated her but now that youâre single and sheâs involved with someone else, you want her. Quit acting like a spoiled kid and offer her something more than texts and online messages. Be mature, sincere and heartfelt, then give her time to consider you as a real relationship option. Jane is exhibiting classic âIâve lost 90% of my interest in youâ behavior. The 10% remaining interest is a small window of opportunityâ¦.Catâs Call: Use it wisely.
DEAR CAT: My wife and I live in Denver and we always spend Thanksgiving with her family in Chicago. This year most of them decided to âdo their own thing.â Her siblings are vacationing and her parents are just staying in. I thought it would be a nice change of pace for her parents to visit us but they prefer to stay home and âkeep things quietâ and not go through the hassle of traveling. I know my wife would love for them to visit, so I offered to pay for their tickets. Still, they refused and I know my wife is hurt. I was thinking of calling them privately, without my wife knowing, and trying to convince them and make it a surprise to my wife. Do you think this would cause a family problem? Thatâs the last thing Iâd want to do. – GIVE THANKS & TICKETS
DEAR GIVE: Planning, shopping, prepping, table setting, cleaning – Thanksgiving is a terrific holiday but it can be exhausting for the host. Your airfare offer is a lovely gesture and Iâm sure her parents appreciate it but donât take it as a slight if they just want to relax this year. One friendly call shouldnât cause a family rift but donât use guilt or tell them your wife is upset. Simply extend the invitation once more and let it go. Itâs just one holiday and if the visit doesnât happenâ¦Catâs Call: Have a wonderful time creating a new holiday memory with your wife.
Whatâs YOUR call? Share it below! Submit column questions here or send snail mail to: Catâs Call, Pittsburgh Post-Gazette, 34 Blvd. of the Allies, Pittsburgh, PA 15222.
“See Jane Ignore Me” is truly getting exactly what he deserves. My hunch and hope is that Jane has no interest at all in him (or at least she shouldn’t), and maybe she is trying to teach him a lesson; the problem is, he appears to be way too egotistical to ever understand the message.
As for the ticket giver, he has done ever right so far, and it seems like he does things the right way and with the right amount of tact. I suggest he go with his gut feelings (there seems to be a lot of heart involved).
— carm in pittsburgh 11/17/2009 Reply
there is no such thing as “cheating” among people that date. People only owe loyalty to someone they’ve married. Geez.
— bob 11/17/2009 Reply
Bob – if they are in an exclusive relationship dating or otherwise – then it’s cheating. Can’t get around that one and we don’t honestly know what he told Jane in terms of their relationship or dating expectations. I do agree it sounds like they were just casually dating. The problem I have w/ “See Jane ignore me” is that he is not being fair or a good guy and wants what he wants regardless of his past actions. I would ignore him too!!! He is definitely not long term material. He was a jerk and we all know where that gets you. Lonely, bitter and clueless – ouch!!
— Wanda in Baltimore 11/17/2009 Reply
I have to agree with Cat today. The guy in the 1st question was in that on-off relationship for a long time and that says something about him. Yeah we’ve all been in those but breaking hearts (as my mother calls it) is never right. You don’t hide a woman away unless you’re CHEATING. And Bob you can cheat even when you’re not married. Commitment is commitment.
— Cameron, Pittsburgh 11/17/2009 Reply
You gave the wrong answer to the gentlemen whose inlaws refused to come to his house for Thanksgiving even though he offered to pay their airfare. One Thanksgiving, I invited my Mother over and she didn’t come (even though we live in the same town) and she didn’t go anywhere else either. I was stunned and hurt. Its one thing to refuse a casual dinner invitation but not Thanksgiving! Its been years and I’ll never forget it.
— Carol, Pittsburgh 11/17/2009 Reply
The comments by “Carol” intrigue me because she’s the one who comes out looking bad, not Cat. She says the ONE time she invited her mother for thanksgiving dinner, her mother declined and simply stayed home. She’s still holding the resentment after years about it?? I think Carol sounds a bit spoiled. If her mother rudely declined, I could understand but as you get older not everyone enjoys the many hassles of thanksgiving. It gets harder to tolerate hideous traveling delays, screaming children, tv’s blaring, however it is in your household. Eight years ago my wife and I began going out to dinner on thanksgiving and it is wonderfully free of annoyances and family pressures! Sometimes our parents come along, other years no. There’s no pressure, it’s great!
— trey, san diego 11/17/2009 Reply
Jane is playing the field, keeping both options open. Your her back up plan now, be content with that or move on. She is not gf material if she is dating someone and hitting you up still. But obviously what gos around comes around!
— shawn 11/30/2009 Reply