Columns

Fear And Loathing In The Workplace & He's Game For Real Friends

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

DEAR CAT: After more than six months at my job I’m realizing it may not be a great fit. It is a small start-up company and I feel like I’m making things up as I go along because there was no one in my job before me. I see myself as a detached member of the team; the girl in the corner who feels useless, and my confidence is pretty low. This role was meant for a self-starter who’d take it and run with it, and the fact that I may need more structure and direction makes me feel like a failure. Don’t get me wrong, I deserved the job based on experience and willingness, and I do plan to work my butt off to eliminate some of my uncertainty. But when do you admit defeat and move on, or suck it up and keep going? I can’t shake the feeling that I’d be giving up. I’m young and I want to be happy while I gain valuable work experience. –FEAR & LOATHING IN THE WORKPLACE

DEAR F&L: You’re not a failure. In fact, take that word out of your vocabulary. Few people are always thrilled at work – even if you love your job there will be times when things are not so rosy. I, too, worked at a start-up long ago so I understand the informal structure, high energy level and working double or triple duty. The straight dope? You’re at a crossroads both professionally and personally. I say suck it up for a little longer and embrace the challenge of being uncomfortable. Ask questions, propose ideas, show the team that you want to be an integral member. In short, if you need more structure and direction, create it! Doing so will not only give you invaluable professional knowledge but also…Cat’s Call: It’ll make an impressive bullet point on your future resume.

DEAR CAT: Over the last year I’ve become very involved in online gaming with fun and interesting people from around the country. I typically avoid giving out too much personal information to avoid making people uncomfortable but recently I’ve begun to talk more often with certain members of my online clique about their lives, kids and interests. I am wondering when it is appropriate to upgrade my online friends to real friends, exchange contact information and start calling them by their given names (I only know them by their online avatars). When is it ok to open up without seeming weird? —GAME FOR REAL FRIENDS

DEAR GAME: These days it’s common to meet people via the web (via gaming, online dating, social networking, shopping, etc.) and there is no set time frame to take things offline. Start out by offering your own info: first name, email address and city of residence if they don’t already know it. Things should evolve naturally from there. If others seem shy about sharing the same info, don’t push it. Just keep gaming and remember real friendship takes interest, time and trust. If you give all three, the other players will probably follow suit. And before you know it Cat’s Call: The ‘upgrade’ will be complete.

What’s your call? Share it below! Submit column questions here or send snail mail to: Cat’s Call, Pittsburgh Post-Gazette, 34 Blvd. of the Allies, Pittsburgh, PA 15222.

  1. I’d like to start by saying I’ve been reading your column for years now and I absolutely love it. It’s great work that you do, always spot on with your advice. I just read the Cat’s Call on the question from Game For Real Friends. I too play an online game (my secret shame) and was introduced to a webisode series last nigt called “The Guild” and found it to be hilarious. The premise for the show is that it revolves around a distressed gamer as one of her online guild mates ends up seeking her in real life, hilarity is then ensued. I don’t mean to inadvertently plug the show or anything but I found it to be coincidental to today’s Cat’s Call seeing as I just started watching it last night, maybe you could pass it along to “Game For Real Friends” seeing as he/she will probably find it just as funny considering her submitted question to your column. Thanks for taking the time to read my call!

    — V.L.    01/12/2010    Reply

  2. It’s interesting how people find friends anymore. I have a couple friends from twitter, made a few on myspace a few years ago, that kind of thing. I even know a couple people from selling stuff on craigslist. It’s like the internet created this whole dark image but really it’s just regular people who conduct a lot of their lives on there and it opens new doors. My girlfriend is from out of state and without the internet I wouldn’t be thinking about spending half of last year’s salary on a ring! Good calls today. -mark

    — KINGLIKE, Philly    01/12/2010    Reply

  3. Well, here goes; I think F&L is gaining great experience even if she isn’t sure about herself. It’s hard to give advice to her from a distance without knowing the actual workplace, and in the end, it will have to be her own decision given that she is having the experience in person and the rest of us are just getting her description of it; the point is, she is learning something about the world, the workplace, and her life and goals, no matter what happens. As for GAME, just be careful, and not too surprised if/when people turn out to not be who you thought they were.

    — carm in pittsburgh    01/13/2010    Reply

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