Columns
Finding Love On The Train & âPlayingâ With A Married Woman
Tuesday, March 02, 2010
DEAR CAT: Recently I was on a commuter train and I met a stunning woman and our conversation was one of the best Iâve ever had. A half hour later, as my stop approached, I gave her my number and told her to call or text me if she would like to go out. That night I could not get her out of my head. We had exchanged quite a bit of information so I found her on Facebook. My questions are: 1) Should I have asked her for her number? I felt playing it cool was the right move. 2) If I donât hear from her within a week, do I send a very sincere message to her on Facebook to let her know how much I would like to take her out or something to that effect? Iâve never felt this way after meeting a woman for the first time. — COMMUTEROWSKI
DEAR COMMUTER: Random âmeetingsâ are special; they have a spontaneous, romantic quality that makes for great stories later. 1)Itâs always fine to ask for a womanâs number but (bravo to you) you should always offer yours, too, since many women hesitate giving their number to strangers. 2) Donât wait a week, do it now! If she gave you enough info to find her, she wanted to be found. And if youâve never felt this way before, donât act like youâve ever acted before. Which meansâ¦Catâs Call: Donât overthink it, just go for it!
DEAR CAT: I occasionally âplayâ with a married woman. We also chat online, always with sexual overtones. I’ve developed personal feelings for her, instead of sexual, though I do enjoy when we play. I tell her sheâs lucky to have me because I won’t tell her husband and I don’t have a girlfriend or wife. She tries various ways of meeting guys who are interested in hooking up, randomly kisses guys in public and has done other things with them. She started cheating on her husband a few years ago and she claims her marriage is great except for the sex. I know she is also playing with other guys besides me. She says she just has a high sex drive but I think she might have a sexual addiction. How do I bring this up to her? — PLAY BOY
DEAR PLAY: You donât have a girlfriend or wife? How shocking. Just like her claim of having a great marriage, which would be laughable if it werenât so sad. Upon first reading your story I assumed your question would be about the tragic passion of extramarital affairs, or rejection, or jealousy. But itâs about a wife with no regard for her husbandâs (I recoil at the thought of what cooties she brings into their allegedly sexless bed). Above all, her sex drive is not your business. Nothing about her is your business; she is a married woman with whom you have nothing sacred or important. Even if you think you do, youâre wrong. Just ask her other âplaymates.â Or her husband. So how do you bring up the subject to her? Catâs Call: You donât.
Whatâs your call? Share it below! Submit column questions here or send snail mail to: Catâs Call, Pittsburgh Post-Gazette, 34 Blvd. of the Allies, Pittsburgh, PA 15222.
To the gentleman who occassionally plays with the married woman; You should be ashamed of yourself as you lack a shred of moral character. Secondly, this married woman is a selfish pig who has no respect or regard (As Cat Mentioned) for her husband or their marriage. Obviously, this woman does not give a hoot about her husband, nor does she give a hoot about you. To her you are just a toy, or a piece of equipment.
If I were you I would stop doing what you are doing, and stay away from married women. Eventually, this will backfire, and you will get hurt. Or, maybe one day you will get married, and your wife will start sleeping or “playing” with other men. What goes around comes around, watch what you do to people.
As per this woman, she is the facilitator of all of this by her selfishness, and inability to control her temptations. I hope she stops what she is doing, and her marriage comes to an end so she can no longer do that to some guy.
— Michael from Pittsburgh 03/02/2010 Reply
My calls: About the 1st question….If you met her in a bar would you wait a week then? If it turns out she has a boyfriend or whatever then at least you know. Cat’s right about not overthinking things. I think if more people thought less about their good actions…you know what I mean. About the 2nd question….Call the husband and rat on her. The husband deserves it! She does too.
— S. San Fran CA 03/02/2010 Reply
The cheating wife is not addicted to sex, she is addicted to attention.
— John D. 03/02/2010 Reply
For the dude who “plays” with the married woman:
As one who’s seen a lot of good and bad, just be very aware of what you’re getting yourself involved in. She might very well have a sexual addiction. At the least, she has underlying issues.
As for the first guy, I once had this incredible connection with a woman who I met in passing. Never saw her again. My contact with the woman was in conversation only. It was a great 10-minute conversation. A very real personal connection, but it ended there. Sometimes, that just happens in life.
— Mike, Downtown 03/02/2010 Reply
To the Commuter – definitely contact her on FB. About three years ago, I randomly met a man and had a real connection, just like you did. He gave me his card and then KICKED himself because he hadn’t gotten mine. Lucky for us both, I emailed him…and here we are, having an incredible relationship, and the connection we felt that day has only grown stronger.
— Marcy, Pittsburgh 03/03/2010 Reply
To the Commuter,
Please please please contact her on facebook today. Something light and sweet (and SHORT). Tell her you’d like to see her again….
Life is way too short to let any connection like this slip by. Even if it doesn’‘t land a spot in a story book ending, it is worth the shot. This is life -go and live it and do not have any regrets!!!! Good luck!
— Debbie, Mt. Lebanon 03/04/2010 Reply
Dear Cat,
The letter from “Commuterowski”, who met a unforgettable woman on a train, took me way, way back and far away. I too fell for a beautiful girl on a commuter train – a demure redhead who took my breath away. The difference between his story and mine is that I was totally clueless as to how I could even meet this angel, much less ever win her heart. I couldnât come up with a smooth opening line to save my soul. It took me over six months â months!! – to work up the courage to introduce myself. I finally made it my New Year’s resolution to introduce myself to Joan. Alas, I was too late; I was devastated to learn that her boyfriend had proposed to her just a few days earlier, at the stroke of midnight on New Year’s Eve. Time waits for no man.
Brokenhearted, I deliberately changed jobs and moved out of town so I wouldnât see her any more. But the story doesnât end there. Thirty years later, on a lark, I googled her name. I discovered sheâs dead, killed by breast cancer 15 years ago at age 44. You might say that I dodged a bullet, but it somehow just doesnât feel that wayâ¦I’m not looking for any advice – it’s obviously far too late for that – but should you publish this anyway, just sign me as: Train No. 216, the “Crestmont Express”
— Train No. 216, the Crestmont Express 03/04/2010 Reply
Commuter: yes, you should have asked for her number. But, I agree with Cat: go ahead and contact her on Facebook, but if she has your number and hasn’t called, well, that doesn’t make it likely that she has the interest. But, “nothing ventured, nothing gained,” so go for it. The worst that can happen is that she won’t reply, so look at this way: it’s like going to the casino and knowing that you can either win or break even. Now, on another note, I’ve never had a woman tell me ‘no’ when I asked for her number—not that they have all given me the number—but they don’t say no, they just go into some long rambling excuse. I had one woman who told me that she had just moved and didn’t know her new number. Another one couldn’t give me her number because “we don’t really know each other.” So, by asking for her number you could have determined her interest right then. If she readily gave you her number, there you are. Dear Play, There is no such thing as “sexual addiction.” It is a reality that not everyone is going to only have sex once a month with their spouse on a Saturday night after they go out to Denny’s. You should break off “playing” with this woman. I’m sure her marriage is headed for the rocks, but you shouldn’t put yourself in the position to feel guilty when it runs aground. You don’t mention whether or not there are kids involved. Obviously, this woman isn’t honest with her husband and has little integrity. She isn’t “lucky to have you,” because, from your account, she has plenty of men to stroke her ego. You stated that you don’t have a wife or a girlfriend, and you would be better off to search for a relationship that will ultimately be more fulfilling for you and your partner. Why waste your time with a woman who is unhappy, who has little integrity and who can’t spend more time with you?
— Jason. Houston. 03/19/2010 Reply