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Breaking Up Because Of Bad Kissing & Cheapness Can Spoil A Friendship
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
DEAR CAT: Is it terrible to break up with someone for being a bad kisser? My friends think Iâm being too hard on this guy but, seriously, kissing him is so frustrating. Weâve had four dates and I donât know if I can tolerate much more until this is under control. Can I tell him that I canât stand his kissing? Iâd feel bad doing that because he likes me so much and I do like him, too, but itâs to the point where I dread the end of our dates and the goodnight kiss. Iâd describe his kissing as âall over the place,â itâs just too eager and messy and it kind of grosses me out. What would you do? — HELP MY MOUTH!
DEAR HELP: Iâm with you, bad kissing is a horrible thing to contend with, but on the plus side itâs usually correctable. If bad kissing is the only thing wrong with this guy, give him a chance to redeem himself. Yes, youâre allowed to say something to him but no, donât tell him heâs an awful kisser â yet. Instead tell him how you want to be kissed, then show him. Give him a couple rounds to catch on. If he rejects your tutelage and insists on mopping your face, feel free to end it. Andâ¦Catâs Call: Make sure to tell him why.
DEAR CAT: A few months ago my friend invited my family to an event where she was being recognized. Afterward she said she wanted to âhave us for lunch,â which I assumed meant lunch at her house. Instead we went to a cafeteria nearby and she walked away after paying for her food, so I paid for ours. I was a little taken aback but dismissed it. Recently our families were together and I invited them to our house to hang out. She suggested getting a to-go order on the way there but when the time came to pay, she didnât offer any money. We were taking the food back to my house but it was her suggestion. Had I known I’d be footing the entire bill I would have made something for half the cost. I donât want to speak up this long after the fact but Iâd appreciate advice on dealing with this in the future. —MANNERS, ANYONE?
DEAR MANNERS: Weâve all known those people – they rally everyone for a plan then sit on their hands when the bill comes. Or not leave a tip at a group dinner. Or you take a group road trip but they never chip in for gas. Thereâs one word to describe these people: cheap. Cheap people will take as much as they can and feel no remorse about it, even if they enjoy your company. It doesnât make you a gracious host to cover their tab, it makes you a doormat. In the future, if she suggests a plan, donât hesitate to ask for her share of the bill and donât feel guilty about it. By the way, you call her a âfriendâ but if sheâs happy to stick you with her social billsâ¦.Catâs Call: Itâs time for a demotion to âacquaintance.â
Whatâs YOUR call? Share it below! Submit column questions here or send snail mail to: Catâs Call, Pittsburgh Post Gazette, 34 Blvd. of the Allies, Pittsburgh, PA 15222.
Skip the kissing and get right to the good stuff!
— Jason from Cranberry 04/26/2011 Reply
classy…
— darisa, pittsburgh 04/27/2011 Reply
MY CALL: Yes you definitely end it over bad kissing. I agree you should give him another shot and if he doesn’t hop to it, that’s it. As for the friend, MY CALL: I don’t know if she’s a really “cheap” person but she definitely has no manners. When you say you want to “have you for lunch” that means have you come over or treat you out somewhere. I don’t know if she was required to pay for this woman’s entire family at a restaurant but she extended an invitation and that makes her the ‘host.’ This is a tough one.
— Rosemary, Pittsburgh 04/26/2011 Reply
Bad kissing is grounds for dumping someone! I wouldn’t last four dates with someone who “grosses me out.” On the second question I agree with Cat, cheapness shows up in different ways and in this case it’s bad manners. But we know it’s not just bad manners because the friend didn’t offer to pay for the takeout on the second plan. Give me a break, a teenager would know to offer their share of the money. I agree a downgrade to ‘acquaintance’ is deserved here.
— Sheryl in PGH 04/26/2011 Reply
Did Help My Mouth ever think that she may be the bad kisser and the the guy she’s with is trying to teach her?
— John, Lexington 04/26/2011 Reply
LOL that’s a good point! I think the chances are low that she’s the really a bad kisser because she says he’s all over the place. That tells me he’s sloppy. All I can say to that is: ick!
— Carigirl in Pittsburgh 04/26/2011 Reply
I am the one who has the “cheap” friend. My issue was very specific to those two incidents. In all fairness, she tends to have me over more than I have her over (I am not much of an entertainer/cook). But even if she has me over 5x as much, I just thought it was in poor taste to invite me to an event/lunch and then walk away when it was time to pay. Tell me ahead of time what the deal is or don’t word it that way.
The takeout thing I was not sure about. I did invite her to my house after and I certainly would have fed her/her family when we got there. I think I was too shocked to say anything when she watched me pay and did not offer. Up until that point, I thought maybe SHE was planning to treat since it was her suggestion. But at the very least, I expected her to pay her share.
— S, PA 04/27/2011 Reply
My fiance had the same problem with her ex-boyfriend. When we first started dating she was ‘blown away’ by my kissing skills. And I’m nothing special, honestly. She said her ex (who was her only boyfriend before me) was atrocious at kissing. She compared him to a dog; said he actually licked her cheeks and chin in the attempt to get into her mouth some times.
——-
Cheap friend? I’ve got one of those. There are a few restaurants that I have frequented enough to know the tenured wait-staff’s children’s names (when I was single I would eat out almost every night) and the few times I would take him to one of these places he would get a cheeseburger and avoid conversation with the waitresses. Then when it came time to pay he had a 50% chance of having enough cash on-hand to pay his side of the tab. He would pay me back later, although sometimes it would take a week because he is so afraid of getting mugged he won’t carry cash. Needless to say, I generally tip 15-20% and he gives $1, if anything at all, regardless of the price of the bill.
I asked him once why he didn’t tip and his answer was a painfully hilarious, “The waitress didn’t give me her phone number.”
Upon pointing out that he didn’t ask her for it, he got defensive, “I shouldn’t have to ask. If she wants a tip she should give me her phone number. That’s why restaurants hire these women to work, to attract male customers in with the chance to date them.”
Needless to say I don’t take him to restaurants anymore; mostly because I think he has Eatn’Park confused with a strip club.
— Rich, Glendale 04/30/2011 Reply