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Actress Is Big Time Confused About Her Life & Girlfriend Turned Icy When He Needed Her Most
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
DEAR CAT: I have been an actress for almost twenty years. I am not a household name but letâs just say most people recognize my face. Everyone around me says Iâm âheaded for the big timeâ but I struggle daily with the question, âdo I want it?â I come from a hardworking family and my parents were extremely disappointed when I stopped college for acting. They said, âif it all ends suddenly, what will you have?â Their mindset strained our relationship and we barely speak anymore. I know theyâre right and Iâm constantly afraid of failing in this business because once youâre out, youâre really out. I know people dream of doing what I do but I dream of walking away and living a normal life. Iâm not happy and I feel like Iâm spinning my wheels with my therapist (she is very good, donât get me wrong). I need an objective opinion on what to do with my life. â FORK IN THE ROAD
DEAR FORK: âNormalâ is a relative term, one your therapist would probably dissuade you from using. Why? Because itâs a fantasy based on assumptions about other people. My hunch is youâd feel a lot better and more grounded if you were closer to your parents. Itâs one thing to possibly disappoint viewers youâll never meet, itâs quite another to think youâre a disappointment to your family. âBarely speakingâ is a two-way street so I suggest you call them for a few minutes every day (yes, every day) to begin cultivating a fresh relationship. Better yet, go visit! Whether you hit the big time or fall on your faceâ¦.Catâs Call: Life is less scary when you share it with people you love.
DEAR CAT: I was in a three year relationship with a woman who had serious depression and alcohol problems for which she never got proper help. Whenever she needed me, Iâd always help her because when you love someone youâll stand by them during the darkest times. Well, when my mother passed away it was my darkest hour. I asked my girlfriend to go to the grave with me but she gave excuses of stuff needing to be done. Turns out she went to a country music concert that day. I often worried she was cheating because sheâd get nighttime text messages, or sheâd leave the room to answer phone calls, plus there were three condoms in her drawer one day and a week later there was one. How could someone could treat you so coldly after you give them so much support? —DAMAGED BEYOND REPAIR?
DEAR DAMAGED: Five bucks says you spent most of those three years making excuses for her. She needed to be helped and saved and you were the helper and savior. Then you faced a terrible ordeal and she was nowhere to be found. Sadly your story is not unusual. As I drafted this answer I tried to remain sensitive to your exâs problems but blowing off a visit to your motherâs grave is beyond belief, and blowing it off for a concert is unforgiveable. In life youâll find some people are simply selfish, whether itâs spurred by problems like addiction orâ¦Catâs Call: Good old fashioned spoiled-brat-itis.
Whatâs YOUR call? Share it below! Submit column questions here.
Hey Fork, this might surprise you but many people don’t dream of doing what you do. I’m not knocking the entertainment business but it might help you to know not everyone is envious of your life. The money maybe but not the job. Cat’s right, get on the horn and talk to your folks. Forget about failing in your business, you could get hit by a bus next week and your parents wouldn’t know about it.
To Damaged: Find a woman who doesn’t need something from you every minute. Who has that kind of time?
— Thom, Pittsburgh 05/10/2011 Reply
To Fork:
I wouldn’t worry about “making it.” Just do what you love because you love it and if you don’t love it, then don’t do it. Your family problems are probably not as bad in reality as they are in your mind. Just tell them that you are happy and that you love them…as many times as it takes.
To Damaged:
I have met this girl a dozen times. If she is unstable…and she usually is… take the afternoon off of work, collect all her stuff, take it to her place, and get all your stuff. Be waiting for her when she gets home and make sure she has someone to be with after you walk out the door. A mutual friend, perhaps. But, definitely walk out the door. That’s a no brainer.
— Brandon 05/10/2011 Reply
Fork, you have the same problem as most people: you’re not sure if your job is makes you happy and you have regrets in your life. Why not try to do something else!? Lots of people go to school while they work, try it out, see if you find something you like. My call: yes start calling your family. We don’t know what your attitude is like from this question, your parents might see you as a diva who can’t be bothered talking to them. Thom is right, if something bad happened to you, you’d want them there.
Damaged, thank your lucky stars the relationship is over. What a bitch! Good for Cat for laying it out. I’m so sick of people blaming their obnoxious behavior on all their “problems.” Their problems are usually the bad behavior itself! I admit I’d love to do many bad things but I don’t because I have responsilbities and people who count on me. It’s okay to be selfish once in a while but when you walk all over people who love you, you don’t deserve the love.
— Cara PGH 05/10/2011 Reply
Being at the top of anything isn’t what it’s cracked up to be. Sure, you make money, but money isn’t everything. The closer you get to the top, the more you have to sacrifice in other areas of your life. For most people, it’s an almost impossible balancing act.
I think she should think hard about what she wants in life. There’s no harm in admitting you’re wrong. Confession is great for the soul. Then move on with what you really want in life.
For “Damaged Beyond Repair,” the signs are there. You know the truth. Either you accept that you’re going to be in a crappy relationship or you cut your losses. Personally, I’d cut my losses.
— Mike, Downtown 05/10/2011 Reply
Life is too short. Try to do something with your life that makes you happy and do what you can to repair the relationship with your parents. You never know what the next day may bring, so live your life with as much happiness and love as you can muster!!
— Deanna, Johnstown 05/10/2011 Reply
Cat, great column today as always. I’ve been reading you since moving back to Pittsburgh a few years ago. Your column was always a nice little break in my day. Although I typically read you online now, I was really sad to see to your ‘What’s latest‘ posting today. It is a real unique thing for our city to have our very own advice columnist. Just wanted to let you know that you won’t be missed because as long as you’re publishing it I’ll keep reading it!
— Katie, PGH 05/10/2011 Reply
Question 1: I want to know who the actress is.
Question 2: You’re lucky guy. You made it out of the relationship before she dragged you down any further. You’ll get over it, don’t worry.
My call: Sorry to hear something went down with the Post Gazette but who cares because half the reason I read it here is for the comments. I guess it’d be a bigger deal if I lived in Pitt. This is the only advice column I’ve ever read regularly because it’s not stupid or written for morons. If you keep writing it Cat, I’ll keep reading it.
— Jack, Brooklyn 05/10/2011 Reply
I knew I wasn’t the only one Jack. I like this column, what the f*** happened to it? Whenever I read “contract issue” I see “someone’s getting screwed” and it’s never the big company. I’m tired of everything getting dumbed down, Cat doesn’t do that. Cat just write a book, I’ll buy it for my girlfriend and deny reading it before I give it to her.
— T. Ohio 05/11/2011 Reply
@Damaged Beyond Repair
I would also add, hopeless beyond repair.
Your lady was secretly texting & talking on the phone during the middle of the night. Plus, you both knew where condoms were and then they were gone and you know you didn’t use them?
I smell either a cuckhold or complete stupidity on your part.
Be a man.
— LeBron from Pittsburgh 05/12/2011 Reply
I read this for two reasons. 1. I like Cat’s take on things and I’m more interested in her opinions than the people’s problems. 2. I love LeBron! I would be so disappointed if you didn’t call someone a cuckhold every week. I imagine a little old lady writing to Cat about her kitten stuck in a tree and you’d find a cuckhold in that story. So what’s the female version of a cuckhold? My call: I want to know who the actress is too, Jack. Cat, spill it!
— Jane Err 05/12/2011 Reply
It is not my fault that many cuckholds write to Cat.
You certainly can’t believe I, LeBron have anything to do with the mail that Cat receives.
From his own words, logic dictates that Damaged is either a cuckhold or just plain stupid. I’ll go with cuckhold and here is why.
From his letter, Damaged talks about the times his woman speaks on the phone or texts in the middle of the night… sneaking off to another room to do it. He talks about missing condoms too. He allows all of that to happen.
What is he doing about it? He hasn’t thrown her out or left her. He allows it.
He must be getting off alone in bed as he imagines her texting and talking to her lovers.
As I said, it is either that or he is a complete asexual moron.
— LeBron from Pittsburgh 05/13/2011 Reply
LOL you’re a funny man. I wasn’t kidding, is there a female version of a cuckhold? Cuckholdesse?
— Jane 05/13/2011 Reply
I do believe that a female Cuckold is a Cuckquean.
— Rich 05/14/2011 Reply
How about “idiot?”
— wordsaregood 05/16/2011 Reply