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Waiting For A Friend To Get Over A Breakup & Getting Divorced Before Getting Serious
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
DEAR CAT: My friend and his girlfriend broke up not too long ago, perhaps eight weeks. Heâs pretty crushed by the whole thing. She was a nice girl but these things happen. Iâve had breakups before and I get that heâs hurt but I think he hopes theyâll get back together. I say finding new fish in the sea is the best way to get your mojo back. Wouldnât you agree that the best cure is getting out, partying, having some fun and meeting new women? He doesnât want to do anything unless itâs work-related. Are we doomed to wait until this phase ends or is there something we can do to snap him out of his sad state? — MOJO MOTIVATOR
DEAR MOJO: There are several schools of thought on this topic. Obviously you graduated from the school of âthe best way to get over someone is to get under someone.â That works for some people but definitely not for those whose hearts are truly broken. You might think his ex was a nice girl and nothing more but your feelings about her are irrelevant. Give your friend a bit more time to adjust to life without her and instead of partying hard and hooking him up, try something lower key but still social, like sports. Eight weeks post-breakup isnât very longâ¦.Catâs Call: When youâre in love it feels like much longer.
DEAR CAT: I’ve been separated for just over 2 years and still negotiating the terms for my divorce. I’ve been seeing a man for most of that duration and he has a rule that we will not meet each otherâs family until I’m “free and clear,” i.e. divorced. He’s frustrated my divorce isn’t final yet and he told me heâs taking his ex-girlfriend to his family’s house for an event. This is the 2nd time sheâll accompany him to a family event since weâve been together (the first time I found out because she casually mentioned it to me.) He was perplexed that I was hurt and angry about it because there are âno feelings for her” but I found out about a tryst between them during the time we’ve been dating. What does this say about him that he’s taking her again even though it hurt me the first time? Do men always have to have a woman with them? When I go to my family’s events I am alone too. — DISGUSTED AND DISTRUSTFUL
DEAR D&D: Youâve known about his no-family rule since you started dating and after two years together thatâs bound to cause problems. That said, youâve both chosen to be in this committed relationship, neither has the right to date others for any reason. I can imagine his frustration at your lengthy divorce but itâs his choice to date you. If he doesnât like it he should end the relationship and move on. Better yet, since you say he already cheated on you with her, dump him. A man doesnât always need a woman on his arm. Butâ¦.Catâs Call: His âex dateâ isnât about arm candy, itâs about finding another chance to cheat on you.
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