Columns
She Refuses To Be Barefoot In The Kitchen & Does Shower + Baptism = 2 Gifts?
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
DEAR CAT: I’m a very relaxed person so I know Iâm not clenching my fists for nothing. I am anxious for your opinion about having to take your shoes off at someone’s house (because they donât like âoutside dirtâ) when that person is very intolerant of the way others live. My husband’s colleague and his wife are eco-conscious to the point that they make every conversation come back to that subject. We had dinner at their house a few weeks ago and as usual we had to take our shoes off, which I HATE to do and they know it. My feet are always cold, which I told them the first time we went there, and I despise walking around barefoot on a cold floor but wearing socks all evening would make my socks filthy! They have two cats and I donât want cat hair on my feet or embedded in my socks. I think if you have such respect for the planet you should also have respect for the people sharing it with you and not make them physically uncomfortable when visiting your home. My husband says âtheir house, their rulesâ but I refuse to do this again. Would it be acceptable to ask if theyâd mind if I bring clean terry cloth slippers to wear when we come over? — THIS SITUATION âSOCKSâ
DEAR SOCKS: Your husband is right about âtheir house, their rulesâ but Iâm with you on this one. Itâs not exactly hygienic to walk barefoot on a floor where cats traipse around with litter box paws. Plus, being a host means creating a comfortable environment for guests. You have the perfect solution! Buy a few pairs of cheap terry or fleece slippers (with soft soles, i.e. nothing to scuff their floors) and they canât possibly object. Just make sure to ask them first and use your cold tootsies as the excuse (donât suggest their floors are cat-dirty). If they object just say, âthe truth is, Iâm allergic to cats and the fur would irritate my feet.â No, scratch that. If they object, donât go. After all….Catâs Call: What’s more eco-conscious than saving gas?
DEAR CAT: I attended a baby shower at which I gave a gift. Now Iâm invited to the baptism. Am I supposed to give two gifts????!!! — PLEASE ANSWER SOON!
DEAR PLEASE: No, you are not ârequiredâ to give a gift for a baptism, especially if you already gave a gift at the shower. Even so, many people still choose to give a small present (usually religious) such as a lovely little blanket, an engraved spoon, a cross, or a Bible. Again, a gift is neither required nor expected, so….Catâs Call: Donât worry that youâll look bad for not offering one.
What’s your call? Share it below! Submit questions to: questions@catscall.com or click here!.
Personally I find it rude to ask a guest to remove their shoes unless it is a culture where that is expected. The burden should not be on the guest to scramble to find a way to make herself comfortable at your house. She told them her feet are always cold therefore the burden is on them to provide slippers for her. I like animals and have had many pets though I have found the most fastidious people tend to have cats. The messiest also, but with people like this they always have cats.
— Peter (NJ) 06/14/2011 Reply
I disagree. I find it very rude when people dont take off their shoes when coming into someone elses apartment or home. It should be a requirement no matter what. I always take off my shoes when I enter another persons home unless they indicate to me that I do not have to or they dont want me to. I guess it was just the way I was raised. But I would definitly wear slippers or somthing if the floor seemed dirty.
— Matthew-Pittsburgh 06/15/2011 Reply
I think it is rude also. I do think they may have whatever rules they want in their house, but I’d never ask anyone to do this. It’s a pain. Plus I don’t care for feet. Plus I have a disability that requires me to wear leg braces, so it’s very time consuming for me also and makes me self conscious. This is why I don’t go bowling much.
— George, Pittsburgh 06/17/2011 Reply
There are many reasons to not want shoes in your house, and it the choice of the homeowners to decide that. But bringing slippers/socks that are just for the purpose of visiting that house is an entirely reasonable solution.
I honestly find it much more offensive that the guest is more worried about her socks than she is about the homeowner’s wishes for their house, and the relationship with her husband’s colleagues. I sorta wonder if she’s trying to find an excuse to not go visit them anymore, or if she’s not nearly as laid back as she claims.
— Gwendolyn, South Side Flats 06/14/2011 Reply
It fascinates me that among the people I know, the ones who decorate their homes impractically (ivory carpet, white couch, etc) and care deeply about keeping it pristine are the same ones who love to give dinners and throw parties. I have no problem removing my shoes under certain circumstances, like when the weather is bad or if the hosts’ home is on the market. But in general, if you care more about your carpet than your guests’ comfort, go out to dinner.
— LV 06/14/2011 Reply
RE: THIS SITUATION âSOCKSâ
Suggest dinner at a restaurant
— Marc, Squirrel Hill 06/14/2011 Reply
I agree with Marc and LV, why go to a person’s house if you are not comfortable there. I personally prefer eating at restaruants over someone’s house. No cleaning up and no pressure to have them to your house the next time.
To Gwnedolyn, it should not be offensive to you that the guest is worried about her socks. I have had cats for many years and trust me that their fur is very hard to get out of fabric. Once it is in there, it’s in there for good.
— Chantal in Cranberry 06/14/2011 Reply
Ahh the age old question shoes off or on. I hate having to take my shoes off in someone’s home. If anyone has a four legged pet (dog or cat) I don’t find the excuse that they don’t want outside dirt in their house, or on their floors credible. The dog is running around outside so is that person washing and drying the paws before they re-enter the house? And the cat is in and out of their litter box, again does the owner wash and dry the paws before letting them run wild?
Cat fur is terrible to get out of fabric, that is the reason I still have some of the crappy furniture that I do and use slip covers. My husband has a cat, and when the cat goes, in comes new furniture. I see the fur stuck in my socks and slippers all the time and it drives me bonkers.
If you are having people over let them keep their shoes if they want to since they will have most likely will not have trekked over a muddy field to enter the house. Just have them wipe their feet on a welcome mat and be done with it.
In my home I will leave them on or take them off at a whim. Obvious exceptions..when I work in the garden and my shoes are muddy or I have been shoveling snow, I take off my shoes or boots. But when I am visiting someone’s house, I make sure my shoes are not tracking things in with me.
— WES, New England 06/15/2011 Reply
About the baptism – I didn’t know people besides the Godmother and Godfather and the immediate family were invited to a baptism.
About the shoes – if someone comes over to our house and it is winter time, take the shoes off. We have no animals living here. However, if you do have animals, provide slippers for your guests to wear.
— LeBron from Pittsburgh 06/15/2011 Reply
simple rules at our house:
wet shoes and boots stay at the door.
I always offer guests fresh socks!
We have no pets – but I hate to have little mud puddles around the house from boots/shoes draining onto the floor.
common sense please!
— no names 06/15/2011 Reply
I was going to point out the hypocrisy of “greenies,” but yeah, I guess that I will. Most who claim to be environmentalist engage in just as destructive behavior as the rest of us.
In fact, it’s very difficult to not do this, especially with the number of products made in China (very few pollution controls) or Southeast Asia (very few pollution controls). that includes clothes, electronics (the beloved cellular phone) and many other household goods. Try to go a day without using something made in China. It’s impossible, and it really irks me.
Anyway, I’d bring my own slippers (presumably made in China) to the house and wear them. And point out that the slippers are never worn outdoors.
As for the gift thing, one gift is enough. I don’t think a gift for a baby shower AND a baptism is necessary.
— Mike, up here 06/15/2011 Reply
@ Mike, up here,
What are you talking about? What does not wanting dirt inside one’s home have anything to do with being a “greenie” and hypocrisy? I’ll answer that, nothing.
Now, to the next question… what does any of this have to do with purchasing products from China?
LOL!
Cat, I really do believe that logic should be taught in our schools and starting at an early age.
— LeBron from Pittsburgh 06/16/2011 Reply
I thin it’s fine for people to ask guests to remove their shoes, but if their reason truly is only because they don’t want dirt being tracked in, then they should just provide a nice clean welcome mat for people to wipe their shoes on, and not worry about it (especially since their floors are dirty enough to make socks “filthy” and covered in cat hair). If there are other reasons, then yes, they should consider having clean slippers available since not everyone is comfortable barefoot, even when it’s not cold. Walking around with nothing on your feet in a house where apparently everyone who comes over is barefoot could end up exposing you to athlete’s foot or other infections. I also don’t think the guest should have to ask if they can bring their own indoor slippers to wear. It’s a perfectly reasonable thing to do. When I visit friends who keep their house cold, I don’t ask if I can bring a sweatshirt.
— Megan, Point Breeze 06/16/2011 Reply
i hate my feet. i hate taking off my socks. my in-laws know this. they have a home that is like something out of a magazine. i know they like for us to keep the carpet pristine. i will take off my shoes but even without making me ask, my mother in law will keep extra footies [with the tags still on] aside so no one feels uncomfortable. i don’t understand how the eco system is involved here or her laidback attitude. it’s more of how you are going to treat your guests when you invite them over to your house. that’s it. if you are going to have a whole bunch of rules, then no one is going to want to come over. if you want the floor clean, make sure you always have footies set aside for your guests, this way they are aware of your preference for a clean floor. It’s a host’s job to make sure their guests feel comfortable. make them want to come back, make them enjoy the time they spent at your home. that’s the way i see it.
— darisa, pittsburgh 06/21/2011 Reply
Babyshower/baptism: a card is perfectly fine, no need for another gift.
Barefoot: I personally prefer to keep my shoes on for a myriad of reasons, but respect those who ask that we remove our shoes. If they cannot/willnot make accomodations to make me comfy ( slippers or booties, whatever ), I will not go back. The suggestion of restaurants is great, or hosting. Otherwise, it is between you and your husband how important your relationship is compared to that with the colleague. You should be far more important, but if it could cost him his job, maybe you can grin and bare it as seldom as needed to keep the peace, and beg off when possible.
— Wertzro in Pittsburgh 06/22/2011 Reply
It’s perfectly reasonable to ask your guests to take off their shoes. We all take off our shoes at the door and change into house slippers. Where possible we warn new visitors etc about our shoes off preference, and ask them to bring socks or slippers with them if they choose. Regulars visitors tend to do as we do. From a uk perspective i have found this to be the norm especially when people have comfortable homes.
— Kira, UK 07/14/2011 Reply