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What Heavy People Prefer & He Needs To Move Out To Move On
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
DEAR CAT: The other day I was at work helping a customer. It was a cooler day compared to a recent hot streak and we were talking about the weather. She said it was nice to have a break from the heat wave and I said I love cooler weather. She responded, âwell yes, heavy people always prefer that.â Have you ever heard anything so rude? I didnât respond but I feel like I should say something if she ever comes in again. The store owner said sometimes people are rude and I should just let it go. I wouldnât want to hurt the business but what do you think? — STILL STUNNED
DEAR STILL: The store owner is right. Some people are rude, sometimes really rude, totally tactless, mercilessly thoughtless or just plain obnoxious. Iâd say that customer qualifies for all of those traits, plus ânot too brightâ because one day sheâll mouth off to the wrong person. Itâs good you kept your cool because there was no need to create a scene (and lose the sale!). If she comes in again, play it the same. By the way, I have heard something that rude before. Catâs Call: And things much worse.
DEAR CAT: My parents inherited my grandmotherâs house (my fatherâs childhood home). My father suggested I live there to keep it âin the family.â For the past ten years my parents have been the landlord and I have been the ârent freeâ tenant. This arrangement worked fine until my girlfriend of six years questioned if my parents would sell us the house once we are married. My father said he had no intention of changing the ârent freeâ arrangement, nor would he sell the house to us. His reason? To make sure my future wife canât take half of everything when she divorces me. Nice huh?!? My dad refers to my girlfriend as family but he doesn’t trust her, and what bothers me most is how this situation makes her feel. We love the house and would like to make it our own but my girlfriend isnât comfortable investing money into the home without her name being on the title. Her reason? Just in case my dad kicks us out. We decided the solution is to purchase a different house once we get married. I made the mistake of telling my parents and now theyâre furious and making ridiculous comments about my girlfriend ‘brainwashing’ me. I’ve reached my breaking point. If I move out now, I’ll have problems with my mom and dad for the rest of my life. If I stay, I guarantee there won’t be a wedding. What do you think about this mess? — TO STAY OR TO WED
DEAR WED: There is no mess – thereâs a house, a squabble with your folks, and the woman you love. Youâve been living rent-free for a decade so you should have more than enough dough to buy another place. On that note, hats off to your girlfriend who wonât invest her money in a home sheâll never own. There comes a time in life when you have to cut the apron strings and be your own person. That means being more than a son and a long-term boyfriend, now you have to be a self-sufficient man and, soon, a husband. As such you canât base your life on your fatherâs desire to keep his childhood home âin the family.â On that note, if he loves it so much….Catâs Call: He and your mother should live in it.
What’s YOUR call? Share it below! Submit questions to: questions@catscall.com or click here!.
re: stay or wed.
To be perfectly honest I can’t see why you girlfriend is still with you when she clearly comes second. Choosing between disappointing your dad about his old house and marrying your girlfriend isn’t a difficult choice. You only think you’ll have problem with them the rest of your life. Most family problems work themselves out.
re: stunned.
I’ve heard worse things too. It was rude no doubt but not the rudest thing ever said. Tactless mostly.
— Chuck in Cleveland 06/21/2011 Reply
To Stunned: Is it possible the ‘rude’ woman was referring to herself?
To Stay Or Wed: I like how Cat wrote “Dear Wed” because that’s your answer right there. It’s just a house for goodness sakes. I am a very sentimental person but I completely agree with Cat’s ‘call’ on this one, that if your father is that attached to the house he should be living in it rather than dictate where you’ll live. It’s not like it’s your childhood home. Even if it was, as a married couple you’d want your own place with a deed in both your names.
— Amy, Pittsburgh 06/21/2011 Reply
To Stay or To Wed:
Your girlfriend is brilliant, marry her now and get out of that house. Your parents are using it to enforce their beliefs on you about your life and who you choose to marry. If they really wanted to “keep it in the family” they would respect their family (you) and trust that you would make a great choice in marriage and life. Houses are objects, however sentimental they may be, but they are not worth more than relationships. Showing such a great distrust for you and your choices is your dad valuing his childhood sentiments over his relationship with his son… and that’s just selfish. It’s time to make a break.
— Gwen, Pittsburgh 06/21/2011 Reply
To Stunned,
When people are rude the best strategy, I find, is to make them feel awful about themselves. For instance, when she said “heavy people prefer that,” I would say something like “Yeah, since my husband died in Iraq I have put on a lot of weight and boy it sure makes the heat worse.”
To Wed,
F em. It’s your life. You need to stand by your future wife and put your foot down. No one forced them to let you stay there rent free. You don’t owe anybody anything.
— Brandon - Pittsburgh 06/21/2011 Reply
If Stunned is so sensitive about comments regarding heavy people, he/she should hit the treadmill and lay off the Krispy Kremes.
Stay or Wed should get married and then make one more offer to buy the dad’s house. After they are actually married, the dad may change his mind once they demonstrate to him that they have a committed relationship (after 6 years, why aren’t they already married or at least engaged anyway?). If he still refuses to sell, they should go buy their own house.
— Matt, Pittsburgh 06/22/2011 Reply
I realize Matt in Pittsburgh is clearly trying to elicit an angry response with the Krispy Kreme comment so yes I am taking the bait mainly because I find myself agreeing with him. That customer was tactless in her comment, certainly. The fact remains fatness/obesity is not something hidden, in other words the whole world can see it. It is a person’s choice to be fat and good manners say you shouldn’t comment on someone’s weight but it’s not fair to make the world tiptoe around it. You choose to be fat and that is alright. If a person acknowledges your weight in the context “as a fat person it makes sense you are uncomfortable in hot weather” then so be it. That customer did not say “as a fat person you are stupid or ugly.” That would be a judgment on the fat person himself/herself rather than on basic biology.
— Chance, USA 06/22/2011 Reply
Excuse me, but it’s not always a person’s “choice” to be fat. Some people have real health issues that can cause them to be or become overweight. To name a few: hypothyroidism, depression, medicine to treat depression, menopause, and quitting smoking. The solution isn’t necessarily to “lay off the Krispy Kremes,” but I agree that most Americans would benefit from better monitoring of what they eat (read the labels on your food packages, folks) and getting out for a walk a few times a week. No, I’m not overweight, but I work every day to keep the extra pounds at bay.
— Elizabeth - Pittsburgh 06/22/2011 Reply
Yes of course some people gain weight from health problems but please, about one in a million very heavy people are that way because of a medical problem. Depression doesn’t CAUSE fatness, quitting smoking doesn’t either. Putting more food in your mouth than you burn off causes fatness. If you’re suffering from depression and your kitchen only has salad in it you’re not getting obese. The point is that customer’s comment was rude but she didn’t treat the employee unfairly. If that employee was really skinny and the customer said “you need some meat on those bones!” she wouldn’t be offended. I would never say what that customer said but it’s done and she should move on.
— Sarah PGH 06/22/2011 Reply
Dear Stunned,
I’m not heavy and I love the cooler weather too. Congrats to you for being professional and not saying anything to the rude customer. To Matt in Pittsburgh, go rent “Shallow Hal” and then get back to me.
To Stay or to Wed:
In case you haven’t caught on yet, your parents are trying to control you by offering you a free ride, and it looks like they are doing a great job of it. It’s time to cut those apron strings and if you really care about your girlfriend, get her a ring. Otherwise, let her go, so that she can find someone who doesn’t just want her for a “free ride.”
— Kathy - Pittsburgh 06/22/2011 Reply
To Kathy in Pittsburgh,
I’ve seen “Shallow Hal” already, and I do not see the connection between the movie and my comments. The main theme of that movie was how another person (Hal) views a heavy person (Rosemary) and seeing the inner beauty in people.
My comments were centered on how a heavy person views him/herself, and also based on personal life experience (losing and keeping off 120 lbs after many years of obesity). Go watch “Super Size Me” and then get back to me.
— Matt, Pittsburgh 06/23/2011 Reply
About Stunned: I’m obese myself, and hear that kind of thing from family all the time, either do something about it or get over it. You’re the only one who can do anything about your weight.
Stay or Wed: it’s biblical, it’s normal, it’s common sense: time to man up and wed the girl and move out. Your father may not have confidence in the relationship because you’ve not given him reason to. We all have to start our own lives someday, while you have had it nice for a long time you now have to choose to grow up or stay a child. If you choose to grow up, wed and move out you may find that your dad will sell or give you the house once he’s convinced you and the relationship are mature and stable.
— Wertzro in Pittsburgh 06/22/2011 Reply
@ Still Stunned,
I believe it all about self-esteem. If your self-esteem is high, then why care about what an ignorant and rude person says to you? Brush off those remarks lke crumbs from a table.
— Lebron from Pittsburgh 06/23/2011 Reply
Yes Lebron, I completely agree with you, but there is the possibility that the customer was referring to herself.
— Celeste from Pittsburgh 06/23/2011 Reply
I missed a word in the above post. It should have read, “I believe it is all…”
@ Celeste,
Quite possibly so, Celeste. However, that would still be rude to say that in front of a person who is carrying extra poundage. Some people, more than others I would bet, are just plain insensitive to others or are simply lacking in awareness.
— Lebron from Pittsburgh 06/24/2011 Reply
Re stay or wed: Isn’t it interesting that everyone is in agreement? It’s clear that it’s way past time for you to become independent. Your girlfriend is taking a risk with you since you have had limited independence up to this point, along with the fact that she had to be the one to point out the issue: “This arrangement worked fine until my girlfriend of six years questioned if my parents would sell us the house once we are married.” You sound like a clueless fellow who is not interested in cutting the apron strings or planning a future with a partner. I advise the girlfriend to run, don’t walk, the other way! Wed, if you grow up, man up and take charge of your life, you may have one last shot. BTW, the parents don’t have to live in the house to keep it in the family – they already own it! Whether or not someone lives there is immaterial; it’s not like they’ve been getting rent for it.
— Nancy in Pittsburgh 06/23/2011 Reply
The “stay or wed” one is a classic. I’m impressed that the girlfriend would even consider staying in the house after they are married. Even if they were to buy it, the parents would probably still want to have a key “in case there is a problem”, drop by unannounced, and criticize any changes to the house that they don’t like, and heaven forbid that the young couple even consider making a major renovation to the house! I’ve seen this before, usually with kids that get married right out of high school, but that doesn’t appear to apply here.
— PB from NY 06/24/2011 Reply
Clearly, you have never had self-image or self-esteem problems.
— Elizabeth - Pittsburgh 07/22/2011 Reply