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She Wants To Want To Get Naked & He's Ready To Move Forward, But Is She?
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
DEAR CAT: My problem is: I wonât let men see me naked. I have a nice body overall but I find cellulite unsightly and I donât want a man to see it. My best friend tells me to âget over itâ but I canât. Iâve slept with a number of men but I will only be naked with the lights off. Iâve never even gotten out of bed and walked around naked in a boyfriendâs presence. Other women seem so comfortable with being naked. Is there an easy way for me to think differently about this? I love my friend but her advice to âget over itâ doesnât cut it. â KEPT IN THE DARK
DEAR KEPT: I took an informal, women-only Cat Poll based on your presumption of other womenâs comfort with nakedness and NEWSFLASH: 100% said despite hating their cellulite they still get in the buff, with the lights on, for their lover. The âeasyâ takeaway for you is knowing other women hate their cellulite just as much as you do, but their discomfort doesnât limit their sex lives. For you nakedness equals vulnerability because you think it exposes a âflaw,â but if you only get busy in the dark, youâre not experiencing true sexual intimacy. Remember two important things: 1) cellulite is a fact of life for almost all adult women and 2) most men donât care about it. Catâs Call: If they do, theyâre not worth sleeping with anyway.
DEAR CAT: Iâve been dating an intelligent, successful, beautiful woman for 2 ½ years and she gets along wonderfully with my 10yr old daughter. Weâre both turning 38 this summer and we both want to have a family. Now the struggles â our backgrounds, experiences and race all differ. She has never before dated outside of her race. We love each other but she fears our differences will create unhappiness down the road. This prevents her from committing to marriage or even actively engaging with my friends. She asks me to be patient while she considers our relationship but it is getting difficult to enjoy daily life without a focus on our future. Your call? â READY TO MOVE FORWARD
DEAR READY: Whatâs the point of staying together if youâre not willing to fully commit and incorporate each other into your families and circles of friends? Iâm not suggesting a breakup, rather an earnest discussion of your future potential. A relationship can only be so fulfilling when itâs kept under wraps and away from everyone else in your life. Plus, her connection with your daughter is a big concern. What happens if your girlfriend decides to take a walk after four or five years? That would be a harsh blow to a child at such a formative age. Truth is, every couple has differences and thatâs often what keeps things interesting year after year. Yes, race is a biggie, perhaps too big for her to accept. But love and respect are the most important qualities to have in common. Without an equal amount of bothâ¦Catâs Call: Your differences donât even matter.
Whatâs your call? Share it below! Submit column questions here or send snail mail to: Catâs Call, Pittsburgh Post-Gazette, 34 Blvd. of the Allies, Pittsburgh, PA 15222.
Not to sound slutty but I’ve been naked in front of a lot of men and I’ve never been 100 percent okay with it but the difference to me is it’s not a priority when you’re in the moment. It’s like you’re aware of it but then it fades away. If “get over it” doesn’t work try thinking what it’d be like if the men wouldn’t let you see THEM naked. Sex would get kind of boring I think. Good luck!
— C.P. in pittsburgh 08/10/2010 Reply
For “Ready to move forward” just propose already. Or her hesitance means is time to pull away. It’s not like you have only been dating for a couple months. She’s buddy buddy with your daughter and that’s dangerous (for your little girl). It seems she’s not comfortable with a perecived cultural clash. If you live in a big city it shouldn’t be a problem. Regarding “kept in the dark,” next time you’re with a guy, strip down and let it all hang out. I personally guarantee he won’t run off.
— Jack. PA 08/10/2010 Reply
To Kept. A man can come up with a pretty accurate assessment of how you look in the buff based on how you look fully clothed. We have all been doing it since we were 11 and most of us have gotten really good at it. So take it off! No one is going to look at you and say “Well…if I had known that…”
— Brandon 08/10/2010 Reply
Any comment I have regarding naked women is unprintable. So I’ll simply say that you shouldn’t worry about it too much. It’s not the cellulite that men are interested in. It’s your mind! OK, so it’s not. But you know what I mean. We’ll overlook it.
— Mike, Downtown 08/10/2010 Reply
We leave the lights on but we’re both wearing full-length Santa suits. Long story.
— Jason from Cranberry 08/10/2010 Reply
A biracial couple is asking for problems. I believe people should be with whoever they want but I undestand Move Forward’s girlfriend being unsure about cultural differences at work. I agree with Cat about her not getting any closer with his daughter but I don’t think she should get friendly with his friends unless she knows the relationship is going to be permanent. Most likely the relationship will not endure because he’ll get tired of waiting for her and that will cause resentment. They’ve been together for a long time though so hopefully if they don’t stay together they can remain friends. For the daughter’s sake. Re: the non-naked woman….If we’re in your bedroom it’s not because we think you’re ugly.
— Brad, NYC 08/10/2010 Reply
Brad you have a solid point about the girlfriend avoiding friendships with his friends but looking at that another way, if she DOESN’T get in with his friends how will she get a sense of what their life would be like together? It’s a double edged sword. After two years with someone it seems like a waste to just walk away until you have all the facts. In regard to Kept in the Dark: At some point (maybe reading any fashion magazine) you got it in your head that cellulite is a defect. It’s a normal part of a woman’s body and there are biological reasons for it. Try not to sweat it :)
— Michelle in Pittsburgh 08/10/2010 Reply
For “Ready,” if the girlfriend is truly in love, then race doesn’t matter. And who cares if being part of a biracial couple is asking for problems? Being with someone who has a limited income is also asking for problems, but that doesn’t stop someone who’s broke from from falling in love and getting married. They need to have the frank discussion and if she can’t commit, Ready needs to part ways.
As for “Kept,” 100% naked = 100% awesome 100% of the time.
— Fred, Sacramento CA 08/11/2010 Reply
To Jilted. Hang in there honey. Military marraiges are especially hard on couples. Cat is absolutely right in saying that none of this was your fault. How can you really “be enough,” for someone when you are a thousand miles away? It is good that you are seeking some help which is an important step that a lot of people forget.
I dont know how the Army works but when I was in the Marine Corps it was fairly easy for couples to get the authorization live on base together. I am sure you have your reasons for being apart but you might consider moving there with him. There is nothing more valuable to a man in uniform than a loving wife to come home to and maybe that is why he went astray…but he is still a jerk for cheating on you.
— Brandon 08/19/2010 Reply