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Can A Car-less, Apartment-less Guy Be Arrogant? And Her Boots Are Made For Wearing
Tuesday, October 05, 2010
DEAR CAT: Iâm 25 years old and living with my grandparents to help them renovate their home. I work full time, go to school full time and referee ice hockey part time. I do extremely well in school and Iâm one of the most respected hockey officials in Western PA. Recently I totaled my car and, since I didnât have full coverage, Iâm left without a vehicle. With no car and not living on my own Iâve developed a phobia of dating because of the societal expectation that a 25 yr old man should own a home, a vehicle, investments, and be working on his doctorate to be âup to snuff.â Iâve long been considered a player with my fair share of girlfriends, dates, one night stands, etc. and itâs never (I repeat: never!) been a problem for me to strike up a conversation with someone I was attracted to. Normally Iâm cocky, somewhat arrogant and very confident but now Iâm shying away. Am I overreacting to my current situation? Will women respect me for who I am and what I have accomplished to this point, or look down on me for not having a vehicle or my own place of residence? â AIMLESSLY ARROGANT
DEAR ARROGANT: Cockiness has its place, but so does humility. Though itâs reasonable for women to prefer men who can pick them up for a date, relax and remember youâre in your mid-20s and still in school â women wonât expect that youâve bought a home and finished a dissertation by now. Ditch your âplayerâ mentality and present yourself exactly as you are; an accomplished, hardworking guy. Above all, be completely honest about your circumstances while you work to improve them (the car situation, specifically.) Will women respect you? That depends upon how you treat them. Eventually youâll have a car again so focus on the quality of the man driving it. Arrogance only works when you can back it up. And even thenâ¦Catâs Call: Its attractiveness is short-lived to a woman of substance.
DEAR CAT: I pretty much follow style rules but I have a pair of white cowboy boots I love to wear all year round. I wrote this letter to you five minutes after getting an earful from my friends about how itâs okay to bend some rules (like itâs ok to wear denim with denim) but wearing white shoes after Labor Day is practically a sin. If these were sandals Iâd agree, but cowboy boots? Mine are beautiful and cost over $400, theyâre not a passing fad. Whatâs your call? — COWGIRL SINGING THE BLUES
DEAR COWGIRL: I respectfully disagree with your friends. I love cowboy boots and my call is not biased by that fact. Weâre talking about boots, which can be worn regardless of season but especially after summer. When the temperature drops and itâs grey and chilly outside, feel free to sport your boots with slim, worn-in jeans and a lush, neutral-colored sweater. If theyâre as high quality as you say, theyâll just get better looking with wear. Your friends have it backwards⦠Catâs Call: Cowboy boots can be worn at any time while denim-on-denim should be left to cowboys, or the 1980s.
Whatâs your call? Share it below! Submit column questions here or send snail mail to: Catâs Call, Pittsburgh Post-Gazette, 34 Blvd. of the Allies, Pittsburgh, PA 15222.
For Arrogant – Forget a car, buy a pickup truck. You’ll need it to haul that ego of yours around…..
— Ben - Virginia 10/05/2010 Reply
To Arrogant. Dont stop doing anything that has worked in the past. If you have attracted the girls by being a bit cocky keep it up. Who would you rather be? The cocky guy that doesn’t have a car and who lives with his grandparents or the pathetic nice guy that doesn’t have a car and lives with his grandparents.
— Brandon 10/05/2010 Reply
Good point. But unsure if not having a car and living with his grandparents makes him “pathetic.” After a couple years definitely but not in the short term.
— Ken in Pittsburgh 10/05/2010 Reply
I never said it did. Being a “pathetic nice guy,” would make him pathetic. The car/grandparent situation is irrelevant.
— Brandon 10/05/2010 Reply
I definitely don’t want to create a nice guy vs. cocky a**hole debate here because I don’t really think it’s the point you’re making BUT nice guys are a good thing! Arrogant’s problem is that he said he’s been a player for the most part. He’s basing future womens reactions to him on his car/living situation. I find it interesting that he’s “shy” now because it means he doesn’t really have all that much confidence.
— Christine, Detroit 10/05/2010 Reply
C’mon you can’t be arrogant as a 25 year old man who doesn’t have a car or his own place to live. Some women could say “awww how sweet” when they hear you’re fixing up your grandparents’ house and I agree that’s a decent thing to do particularly because you’re still relatively young. No car is a tough one to swallow if you don’t live in a city like nyc where most people your age don’t have them. You sound pretty ambitious and I’m sure it won’t be long until you have your swagger back. However keep your ego in check until that time. It’ll be good for you, “playa.” ps: excellent final ‘call’ on this one, Cat.
— B. nyc 10/05/2010 Reply
To Arrogant: First, being considered “a player” is not a badge of honor. If being cocky and arrogant were working for you, you wouldn’t be in the position of wondering what women think because you would have a good woman who wouldn’t care. Think quality, not quantity. Being a mature person and treating women well will get you respect.
To Cowgirl: While I’m not a fan of cowboy boots at all, they are especially popular in the fall/winter months regardless of color.
— Chris, Pittsburgh 10/05/2010 Reply
If Arrogant was really ashamed about not having a car, he would not have put enough personal information out there for someone to identify him. Seems to me that this might be the work of one of his many “girlfriends.”
— Joe Jack, Pittsburgh 10/05/2010 Reply
I hate having to do everyone’s thinking for them, but why can’t this guy say his Maserati is in the shop and that his grandparents are his elderly servants who he takes care of as a condition to his sizeable inheritance? By the time she figures it out, it will be too late.
— Jason from Cranberry 10/05/2010 Reply
RE: AIMLESSLY ARROGANT
Take a break from dating, and you might like it.
— Marc, Squirrel Hill 10/05/2010 Reply
As a woman who is 30 and who has never owned a car, I would rather date someone who also doesn’t own one… and I have for several years.
But if you are looking for women who want to be picked up and taken around and who actually like the company of a self-described cocky and arrogant guy, I imagine they would be self-described as high-maintenance and ‘worth it’. So, decide what’s important to you and maybe get that pick up truck as suggested above!
— car-free and carefree, pittsburgh 10/05/2010 Reply
Arrogant? I got news for you. With an attitude like yours (where it’s hot to be player), it doesn’t matter if you don’t have a car or a house of your own. No mature woman would want to get into a relationship with you because you’re too egotistical.
Sounds like you might actually be a nice guy under the “image” you’re trying to project. Lose the ego, and I’m sure a lot of women will fall for you. Why not? You sound like a nice dude.
With major confidence issues.
I don’t think you’re overreacting at all. Sounds to me like you’re growing up. Maybe being a player isn’t so cool to you anymore? If you’re even remotely concerned that your current situation isn’t good enough, it seems to me like you’re reorganizing your priorities a bit. There’s nothing wrong with that at all. In fact, it’s kinda attractive.
— Aubrey in Pittsburgh 10/07/2010 Reply