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The Price Of Lateness & Dating Your Best Friend
Tuesday, February 03, 2009
DEAR CAT: The hair salon Iâve been going to for five years just started a new âlate penalty.â Theyâll add 15% if you are more than fifteen minutes late without notifying them. And if there is someone waiting for a walk-in appointment, you can lose your appointment to them and be forced to reschedule. I think itâs very unfair to impose that penalty on old customers but I donât want to make waves by complaining because itâs a small salon and I wouldnât want them talking about me. What is the best way to deal with this situation? — HAIR ME ROAR
DEAR HAIR: So itâs okay to penalize new customers but old customers should be allowed to show up late for appointments and ruin everyone elseâs schedule? Itâs an absolutely fair policy, one probably adopted because too many customers are habitually late. The only reasonable counterpoint is to request the same percentage discount if your stylist runs late (thatâs what I would do). If the salon wonât honor that, find a new place to get your hair done. Be honest – are you one of the âlateâ offenders? Iâd say yes, or you wouldnât be so put out by their insistence on punctuality and courtesy. The best way to deal with this? Catâs Call: Show up on time for your appointments.
DEAR CAT: I’m a 24 year old female in a relationship with my 27 year old male best friend. Weâve known each other for six years but we lost touch until two years ago when I moved back to the area. When we first started dating I naively thought we could have a relationship without jeopardizing our friendship. Now, three months in, I’ve lost interest. But my boyfriend is still really into our relationship and keeps talking about long-term plans. I’m very spooked by how he wants us to move in together, his casual mentions of kids, etc. To top things off, this is his first relationship! I feel like I’m in way over my head and I want to break things off. I know it’s really unfair and dishonest of me to keep dating him when I feel this way, but I can’t stand the thought of completely losing his companionship. Is there any way to back out so we don’t lose the friendship we started with? — BEST FRIEND TURNED GIRLFRIEND
DEAR BF TURNED GF: Youâre right, itâs terribly unfair to lead him on. This is supposed to be your best friend and youâre letting him live a lie. If the situation were reversed you would be angry, heartbroken, and perhaps unforgiving. Your motivation for staying in this loveless relationship is ultimately selfish (understandable, but selfish) and you owe him honesty right away. And you owe yourself the realization that the fate of the friendship is up to him, not you. The longer you wait to be honest⦠Catâs Call: The more heâll feel that you disrespected the very friendship you want to preserve.
People who are late for appointments often have the gall to complain because you take another customer ahead of them. I own a business where some customers use appointments (most are street traffic generated) and I respect the appts unless they are late. I make this very clear to customers at the time, if you do that they will not be late. Remember if you give them an inch, they’ll take a foot.
— anonymous (pittsburgh) 02/02/2009 Reply
Hey Cat, I disagree with your advice regarding BFF turned GF. I think she should hold onto him as long as she wants. If he can’t take the hint that is his problem. People need to look out for number one regardless of who gets hurt; that’s just the way things go. Hence the old adage: All is fair in love and war.
— Greg R. 02/02/2009 Reply
Doesn’t this scenario pretty much prove that men and women can’t be friends? He liked her all along or he wouldn’t get into a relationship with her in the first place. She was lonely and he was there, that’s the explanation for her getting into it. She said she’s not interested NOW but it seems like she wasn’t ever really interested. If they go back to being just friends he’ll still like her and watch as she goes out with other guys. Yeah sounds like a great friendship.
— Glen NYC 02/03/2009 Reply
People like this woman (it is a woman right?) use a different excuse every time they’re late but you know she’d throw a fit if her weekly manicure is delayed because the customer before her showed up late and cut into her time. 15% isn’t even that much, the penalty is to prove a point.
— Sam in PGH 02/03/2009 Reply
I worked at a salon/dayspa for two years. Many customers treat hair and nail appointments like they’re not important…until they can’t get the appointment time they want. That’s when they get all snooty. I had people ask me to “bump” other people so they can have the times they want. And those types of customers show up late all the time and if they have to wait for their stylist AT ALL they get pissed and make sure everyone there knows it.
— Steelersville USA 02/03/2009 Reply
Dear Cat,
You were right on the money with this one. I wish I knew the name of the beauty shop that instituted that policy — I’d start going there. As a “veteran” customer, I find it offensive when I have to wait because the appointment ahead of me arrived late. My time (and my stylist’s) is just as important as anyone else’s. If you can’t get to your appointment on time, that’s your problem. Don’t mess up everyone else’s schedules because you can’t get your act together.
— --A loyal reader 02/03/2009 Reply
Dear Cat,
In response to Hair Me Roar, I have no doubt in my mind that she is a chronic offender. I have already eliminated two people from my life who have been habitually late. I have told them how I feel. I have been very clear. They continued to be late and I just don’t want that kind of disrespect. I have even coined a name for this. I call it the “Princess Syndrome”. Nothing can start until the princess arrives. Obviously her time is more important than anyone elses and the world revolves around her. The only way to deal with people like this is to institute policies like the hair salon did. In the end, losing customers like this is a great relief. I hope the salon sticks to its guns and posts a permanent sign to tell customers that they need to respect the salon, its owner, and the other patrons. Thank you for an opportunity to voice my opinion.
— --Don't Need Those Kinds Of "Friends" Monroeville, PA 02/03/2009 Reply
For that lady who is late to the salon, get over it and get to your appointment on time and you won’t have to worry about a penalty. I hate when other people make me late, and for that reason I always take the dreaded 9 AM appointment at my salon because I know it will be on time, and as the day drags on those late comers affect everyone else’s schedule. If my salon instituted that same policy I would sleep in a bit and take a later appointment. I also agree that if your appointment starts late due to someone else coming in late then you should get the 15% taken off your bill….the salon makes the same money since your discount is made up by the extra 15% charged to the late comer.
— Transplanted Reader 02/03/2009 Reply
The woman dating her best friend is in a real pickle — a dilemma in the real sense of the word. I agree that she should be up front immediately. But I also think that this friendship will come to an abrupt end. There’s a slim chance that it might not end or it might resume in the future, but I think he will be stunned and then crushed by the news. I don’t see her being able to salvage the friendship, but it’s better to end it now than let this continue until he proposes, which sounds like is imminent.
— Mike, Downtown 02/03/2009 Reply
Hi Cat,
Thanks for your response to Hair Me Roar. I am not a stylist, but I go to one every 6 weeks or so, and to my nail tech every 3 weeks. My hair stylist is always on time, but my nail tech is often late â often because previous clients are not only late, but then act as though she is supposed to accommodate them, no questions asked! And you are correct, most of the time they donât even bother to call. I do everything I can to be on time for my appointments â my stylistsâ time is every bit as valuable as mine. And I agree, the person who wrote is probably habitually late. Considering that all she has to do is show up on time, whatâs the big deal? Either get there on time, or schedule your appointment later! Thanks for your very sane response,
— D.S. Canonsburg, PA 02/03/2009 Reply
About the 24 year old with a 27 year old boyfriend/best friend: she should think forward 10 years from now – she is 34, has 2 kids, and wants to divorce her “best friend”. make the break NOW.
— --been there 02/03/2009 Reply
Yeah it is possible to rekindle a friendship from a romantic relationship once he gets over the rejection of it. You know what’ll happen is eventually he gets over her and then she wants him back. That’s always how it happens.
— Steve in Cleveland 02/09/2009 Reply