Columns
Don't Gamble On A Married Woman & Augmenting Your Assets
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
DEAR CAT: I met a married woman about six months ago. Suffice to say that she is not happily married but she is a very friendly, touchy-feely (backrubs, hugs, etc.) person who flirts a lot. She is a dealer at a casino at which I play poker. We never exchanged contact information since we were âjust friendsâ, but she knows Iâve had feelings for her. After asking someone for my last name, she Googled me, called my office to confirm I work there, sent me flowers, baked me a cake, and even came to my place of work. Are these the actions of someone who just wants to be friends? She even told me that she doesnât know if she will still be married in a few months. Knowing I liked her, why would she tell me this? She has sent e-mails about missing me if I didnât see her the night before. When I asked her about all this, she said I was taking things too seriously and that she does things (like buy flowers) for people that are special to her. Two questions: 1. Do you think that she also has feelings for me? 2. Did she lead me on? —UNSURE IN WASHINGTON
DEAR U.I.W.: 1. Yes, but not the kind of feelings you think. 2. Yes. But aside from all the hinting, emailing, hugs, Googling, flowers and cakes, youâre missing the only truly important point: sheâs married. Perhaps a lack of clocks or daylight in the casino has led you to forget that married people arenât available. You shouldnât even wonder about her feelings or motivations. In terms of her dateability, she might as well be a tree stump. Catâs Call: Forget about her and switch to blackjack.
DEAR CAT: When I was 13, and in my development stage, I had to wear a body cast for a year due to back surgery. Due to the manner in which the cast was positioned over my chest, it prevented my right breast from developing in the same manner as my left breast. Therefore, I am more developed on one side. At the age of 44, I am now considering having some type of augmentation to even things up, but my psyche is intruding because I always considered this type of cosmetic surgery to be very superficial. I have always been satisfied with the size of my breasts (which are relatively small), but I would welcome the opportunity to wear certain things that I currently do not because of gapping on one side. What do you think? — KEEPING ABREAST OF THINGS
DEAR KEEPING: I wonât tell you whether to go under the knife. I will tell you that superficiality is not against the law, and if you want to do something cosmetic (surgery or otherwise) to make yourself more comfortable, secure, or just feel attractive, thereâs nothing wrong with that! If this is really only about how well you fill out certain clothes, removable inserts and custom bras are great, safe, easy options. Above all, no matter what you chooseâ¦Catâs Call: You have every right to choose it and feel good about it!
I had cosmetic surgery more than once and I never regretted doing it. My surgeries were totally “superficial” as she said but the effect on my self image is more than skin deep. I am much more confident and comfortable in myself. She should consult with a doctor about the risks but also think about the benefits.
— manny pittsburgh pa 01/13/2009 Reply
Have you ever heard of divorce Cat? Most marriages these days end in divorce. If you look at married people as “tree stumps” how can unhappily married people find new relationships? You sound alot like a bitter woman who had an affair with a married man and didn’t leave his wife for you.
— trock (ohio) 01/13/2009 Reply
I’m sorry that is one of the most stupid things anyone could say (the commenter, not you Cat). You’re trying to protect this guy from wasting his time and getting hurt by a married woman he has feelings for and someone tells you that you sound bitter. That’s the problem with people, they don’t pay attention. This woman is already pretty much cheating on her husband. That says something about the quality of her character. If she’s that unhappily married she should get a divorce, THEN find someone new.
— anonymous (pittsburgh) 01/13/2009 Reply
I question why that guy goes to the casino so often. I get it more if he lived in Vegas but he says Washington. I lived in DC and it’s not a casino town. I don’t know about Wash state but it’s weird to go to a casino that frequently. BTW, “tree stump” is funny.
— tandy pittsburgh 01/13/2009 Reply
To the woman that asked about getting a breast augmentation. GO FOR IT!! I had the same problem but not because of wearing a body cast, mine grew that way naturally. I dealt with being uncomfortable and having trouble finding bras to fit because my one breast was actually one full size bigger. I too never thought plastic surgery would be for me but at the age of 35 I decided to have the breast augmentation done and never regretted it. I had the breasts reduced (to be the same size) and lifted. I am so much more comfortable; I can go braless if I choose and not be self conscious; bras and clothes fit and look so much better. This type of surgery is not in the least superficial. There is nothing ever wrong with wanting to feel good about yourself and be comfortable. It is still your own real body, you are not adding anything artificial such as implants. I’ll also add that my insurance paid for the whole surgery as it was considered a medical condition.
— anonymous (pittsburgh) 01/13/2009 Reply
Why aren’t you warning this man that these are the actions of someone with real problems? She googled him, sent him flowers, and then showed up at his workplace!! That is stalking. He needs to tell her to back off before he is on an episode of Snapped.
— steffanie canonsburg 01/13/2009 Reply
Yeah it could read like stalking but she’s just looking for an ‘out’ for if/when she leaves her husband. I guess this guy didn’t impress her enough. She probably got to his workplace and saw he’s just a regular guy, not a rich prince. Then he really likes her and she tells him he’s taking it too seriously. In my book that makes her a b***h. I almost feel bad for the guy.
— L.B. Boulder, CO 01/13/2009 Reply
Cat, I was touched by the letter from Keeping Abreast regarding breast augmentation surgery. This guy would consider that âreconstructionâ surgery as fixing a medical problem rather than a vanity cosmetic procedure. From what I can tell, she isnât looking for implants to enhance her movie careerâ¦she just wants to look âright.â Please pass along my sentiments (but not my email…I’m not looking for a hookup) to her to go ahead and do it.
— Joe 01/13/2009 Reply
The plastic surgery lobbyists successfully lobbied to cause insurance companies to pay not only for breast reconstruction after mastectomies, but also for procedures to assure symmetry, making both breasts the same size and shape. This isn’t just a matter of superficiality; it’s a matter of restoring a feeling of wholeness to a woman who has suffered the loss of a breast or disfigurement for any other reason. I know firsthand what restoring that feeling of wholeness can mean to your mental as well as physical health. Keeping Abreast of Things should go forward with her plans with a clear conscience and no concerns about feeling superficial.
— Pittsburgh Expat, Muskegon, MI 01/17/2009 Reply
Hi Cat, I have to comment on the casino guy who likes the married woman. There are so many facets wrong with that scenario. Who goes to casinos almost EVERY NIGHT?? That’s just not normal (even if you live in Vegas). And what part of ‘married’ does he not understand? He’s obviously lonely and thinks he can “rescue” her. That’s a mistake too many people make and pay for it later down the road. You had a funny call here…tree stump, LOL.
— c.s.t. USA 01/21/2009 Reply