Cat,
That woman who thinks the other one is a lesbian? That stuff makes you cringe because you know itâs real. There is only one word for her: idiot. I could use other words too like pathetic, homophobic, and in serious need of couch time. Just when you think people have started to come out of their shells and see the world for what it is (a mix of infinite varieties of people) someone like that pops out and you think oops! spoke too soon! And the biggest thing is that even if the other woman was interested in her, so what??? They could still be great friends. Thanks, just needed to vent.
Cat:
Iâm a 37-year old man, whoâs married, but Iâve had my full share of hook ups and girlfriends, and Iâve seen a great deal of friends in my fraternity days try different methods to pick up girls, and Iâm not saying itâs the same, but I can picture a guy in a polyester suit with a handlebar moustache handing out business cards as his pickup line. What else are we not seeing? Are the women âout of his league?â Is he the guy that everyone tags as âlives in his parentâs basement?â Does he have all of his teeth? Yes, itâs mean, but itâs reality, but without a clear picture of what weâre dealing with, how can we really be sure why nobody callsâmaybe the â70âs will call and want its suit backâ¦.
Hey Cat,
There is NO chance that guy with the business card isnât fooling himself. We all fool ourselves by always looking for a rational explanation for why women donât call, or eventually stop calling, or blow us off, or treat us like dirt but the truth is more often than not we deserve it. That guy probably gives his number to women every day and they can tell heâs just scraping wherever he can. Iâve known some dumb women, let me tell you, but almost all of them can tell when a guyâs really interested and when heâs just trying to see how many he can bag. â Take It From A Guy Who REALLY Knows Women
Cat,
After a week of nothing much to make fun of, you give me Captain Card. We had a guy in our office that used the “yo baby, HERE is my card” technique and the women in the office got wind of it and laughed their asses off. $20 says he’s one of these guys you see every weekend in the untucked striped shirt, with spiked hair, acting like…well, click here. As a guy who has the tendency to be a complete passive-aggressive coward around women even I think the biz card is impersonal and somewhat cocky. Dude is saying “Look how important I am. I have a business card. You HAVE to call me.” How meaningless are business cards? Even I have a box of ‘em. Hope everything’s going well.
Cat:
In your last poll about the guy giving out his business card, you left out the most obvious reason to me. Most the women I know these days are turned off by guys that brag about their job, status and bankroll. By passing out his card with his “prestigous job title” he is making himself look like a blow hard. That guy should be asking for their number. Passing out a card is a wimp move, and let’s face it, women usually do not care for wimps.
Cat:
Every time I have been given a business card from a guy I met at the bar, he was married. I even ask them if they are married and they say yes, but still expect a phone call. That man needs to give out a home number if he expects a woman to call.
Cat:
As to the Cat’s Poll about the guy with the business cards, I can only say that people do what they want, when they want. If this guy is giving out his business card and is getting NO responses, it is because the women he is giving his card to don’t WANT to call him. This guy is giving off a bad vibe, or maybe to others he appears as some sort of player. It has been my experience that when a woman wants to hear from a man, she gives her number to him. There is something old fashioned about a man making the first move and making the first call. Any woman worth her salt knows that she does not have to call men to get their attention. That is this loyal reader’s view. And that and a quarter might get you a phone call, provided that they still have public phones. Have an awesome day.
Cat:
The operative word in the phrase, business card is business. At one time there were social cards, which gave a person’s name, perhaps home address, and could be given out at a social event or left at a home one visited, but whose occupants were not available. But using a business card as an introduction introduces a mercantile relationship, not a personal one. Perhaps the recipients didn’t need any “widgets” or whatever his card’s business connection might have been.
Cat, here in Israel, many of the supermarkets require a phone number with your credit card, so when the young woman (or even older woman – but they are always women!) asks me for my phone number, I generally say to the next person in line “These young women always ask for my number, but they never call.” Always good for a smile.
Hey, Cat.
You gave me a Cat’s Call back on March 8, 2003, and I thought you’d like to know all went well. This is how my question went, DEAR CAT: Seven years ago I had a summer affair with a man who had a steady girlfriend. I’m not proud of being so promiscuous, but nothing came of it. Here’s the zinger: His wife (the then-girlfriend) is now one of my supervisors at work. What if she finds out about the fling? I know my ‘indiscretion’ was before they married, but I still feel like a tramp. I’m dreading the day he shows up at work. Any advice on how I should act?
Unfortunately, I couldn’t find the text of your answer, but the gist of it went something like, keep your mouth shut, your head up high, and if he shows up, pretend nothing happened. Something like that. Here’s the happily ever after: She’s quit to stay at home with the children, and I never had to see him. That is, except for the Christmas card this past holiday season that included a pic of the whole family.
Thanks,
Caught between a rock and a car’s backseat
Dear Cat,
I donât know if I agree with you about saying I love you. Can it ever be a gray area? You say itâs not safe to assume someone loves you if they havenât said it but there are times when people DO say it and you still canât believe it. So where does that leave you? Iâll tell you where: totally confused. I think people say things in the heat of the moment or during a romantic time but they might not mean it later. But then the âI Love Youâ is out there and thereâs nothing you can do about it. Thanks for hearing my thoughts.
Dear Cat,
This isnât about your recent columns, I just want to share a few thoughts. I really wish the whole choking thing (during sex) hadnât come into fashion. I mean, I’m pretty open. Iâm all for casual sex and a good amount of kinkiness. Iâll do most things. But the choking thing really makes me feel like a piece of meat, and a piece thatâs about to be murdered.
Reader Response:
Cat: This woman is dating a man who watches entirely too much porn. It’s the only place a guy could get this idea from, because we men are entirely too stupid and vacuous to think of something like this on our own. Thanks for reminding me why I would hate to get your mail…
Dear Cat,
I hesitated greatly before penning this note because you callously treated my initial letter from November. I wrote to politely ask you for a date and you instantly denied me, but on what grounds? You know nothing of me not my personality or my life’s pursuits. Who are you to determine with zero information what kind of man I am? I suspect this is why you are as yet unmarried. Perhaps you should give as much time to your personal life and manners as you do to your column. I recall from an earlier cat’s call that you say you can be old fashioned about some things but I see you as the typical modern woman who shirks any romantic possibilities that aren’t guaranteed from the onset. I feel pity for you and your kind. I have been married twice and I know the beauty of it. I’m sorry you will probably not have the same joy in your life’s memory.
Sincerely, ONE WHO GOT AWAY
Re: info on “About” page of catscall.com
Cat:
One Sexy Thing A Woman Can Do: Speak her mind.
One Sexy Thing A Male Can Do: Make a women feel sexy without touching her.
Cat:
I Love You? You have to hear the words to know? Come on, if you can’t see it in his/her eyes, you can’t trust the words. Besides, some people are ‘sensitive’ to those three little words, knowing how much is implied, or assumed, and therefore, rightly hesitant to spew prematurely. Easy to say, not so easy to live with the (assumed) consequences. Sorry, but I think you blew it this time.
Hey Cat,
My friend showed me a dvr of you on tv talking about flirting and the stuff people can do to look good and get someone’s attention. Holy s**t you are so right. I’m a guy and I can admit it: I’m a wimp. You ‘called’ it right, can’t hold that against you. I donât take too much time getting dressed and I don’t want to get rejected. But man, hat’s off to you for telling chicks to be nice. It’s bad to get rejected but not as bad as when a girl is rude. Whenâs your next show?
**********
Cat –
Where can I see that DVR of you talking about flirting and such, mentioned on the Web site? You tube? Google? It sounds like it’d really lend some perspective.
**********
Cat,
A writer mentioned they saw you on tv. Do you have a regular appearance or was that a one time thing? Also, not sure if you watch The Office but your first letter last week reminds me of
the Jim/Pam saga!
Dear Readers: Nope, no regular tv appearances. They are probably referring to an interview (to be specific, two consecutive one-hour interviews) I did for a local show called One On One With Lee Adams. It aired a few months ago.
