Dear Cat,
Iâm really not into using condoms, but I know women want guys to use them. Thereâs such a major lack of sensation with a condom and women donât seem to understand that. Iâm well aware of the dangers of unprotected sex, so whereâs the middle ground?
Dear Cat,
My boyfriend wonât have sex with me during my period. He thinks itâs dirty. Iâm trying to understand why he feels this way, but honestly itâs sort of insulting. Itâs not like I can help it or anything. And besides that, we use condoms anyway. You see what Iâm saying, right? Whatâs your âcallâ?
-Clean Girl
Dear Clean,
Oh yeah, I see what youâre saying. Heâs put his foot down and decided-for the both of you-how things are going to be in the relationship. And youâre sort of insulted? Thatâs tame. How about shocked and disgusted with your caveman-of-a-boyfriend?
So what, exactly, is dirty? You? A womanâs period? If you cut your arm, would he refuse to touch it until it healed? The mouth is a bacteria breeding ground, but he kisses you, right? âDirtyâ connotes trash cans and used Kleenex. Youâre trying to understand his side but he hasnât paid you the same courtesy. Catâs Call: No real man would take that stance.
I think you give great advice, at least most of the time. This question may have been asked before so please excuse me if it has. Is Cat single?
Dear Cat,
Do you think nice guys always finish last?
Signed, Mr. Nice Guy
Dear Nice,
Catâs Call: If youâre thinkinâ what Iâm thinkinâ, Iâd say yes.
Re: 8-13-06 column
Ms. Cat,
I found the letter written by “Uncertain” to be extremely hilarious. She is totally off base by thinking her boyfriend is a small minded homophobe because he will not watch “Brokeback Mountain” like 100% of the heterosexual male population. Just because a guy does not want to see other guys being gay does not make him a homophobe. Whether it’s art is a matter of opinion. Please ask her the following question, because I am dying to know: “Would she be so open minded to watch if her boyfriend brought home such “art” films as “Where the Boys Aren’t”, “No Man’s Land”, or “Jenna Loves Brianna”? Maybe he would not be able to respect her closed mindedness either. Thanks.
Re: 8-27-06 column
Dear Cat,
Your reply to watchful woman has me questioning your sensibilities. If having a sexual relationship with someone is likened to test driving a car:
1. Do cars have feelings that can be crushed if the “test drive” ends unsuccessfully? Lots of people do have feelings, nice people at that.
2. Do you want to marry someone you can live with (successful test drive) or someone you can’t live without(car of your dreams that you’re willing to work for) ? You can live with lots of people, but to marry forever you may want to wait for the love of your life, someone you can’t live without and who can’t live without you. You can only find this out by living without them.
3. Living with someone before marriage increases the chance of divorce by 50%, unless the pain of divorce isn’t a big deal in your estimation(cars have no feelings, right?).
4. The old “test drive” seldom benefits the woman in the long run,finacially and otherwise. If living together before marriage is such a good idea, line up all the happy people.
Thanks, Married to the “car” of my dreams.”
Subject: What Are You Thinking?
I dated a gentleman who had the annoying habit of asking that question. I started answering “I gave it up.” Then one day I began a sentence with, “I think….” He said “I thought you gave it up.” I replied, “I decided abstinence wasn’t realistic, so I’m practicing moderation.”
Re: How Could Someone Not Vote?
Dearest Cat,
I remembered correctly that a while back you wrote an editorial about voting, or not voting, as it turns out. I’ve been ranting about this problem for years and I still await a suitable answer to that question. Cheers to you for telling the fine people of this great country that they need to do their part and they have no good excuse not to. Moreover, if they want to complain about the way things are, stand up and do something about it. And stand at the polls!
Re: 5-21-06 column
You go, Girl!
You hit it (them) right on the head & your f’n reply about your f’n boss cracked this guy up.
Reply to contestant # 2 was straight shooting and insightful, but I wonder if his “home girl” picture was as good as he painted it. Should’a asked. Check out Safire this week on exotic vs erotic: You’ll love it. How cool is a woman who writes well.
Coffee any time soon? ( I ususally don’t date women as young as you but in this case… )
Dear Cat,
Your column about so-called FWBs, ends on this sage note:
Cat’s Call: There are other great ways to be single without jeopardizing your friendships or your libido.
Now you’ve got me interested. My first instinct is you’re an advocate for escort & massage services. Somehow I doubt this.
These services – though too expensive for my budget – serve a useful role, and in a civilized society, in my view, wouldn’t be illegal or stigmatized. (I spent a week in Amsterdam last month.) Phone sex? It has its usefulness, for sure, but I wouldn’t go so far as to call it one of the “great ways to be single.” I am curious. Can you elaborate? I find myself nodding my head in agreement with what you say about FWBs. Sounds good in theory. It hasn’t worked for me. Incidentally, I like the phrase FWB much better than “f### buddy”—which was suggested to me by a woman who, after I’d told her I didn’t think we had a long term future, proposed that we have such a relationship. Egads. I wasn’t opposed to her rather generous idea, on the contrary, but do we have to call it THAT! Iâm be interested to hear “great ways” to be single without jeopardizing friendship or libido. Believe me!
