Dear Cat,
After reading your recent article on The Huffington Post I want to say that I agree with you 100%. I left the same comments there but I was intrigued by your stance and decided to check out your column as well (like it, too, by the way). But back to the political article, I really like how you say “Pure. Democratic. American Beautiful.” Well said, fellow voter. Well said.
— A new fan

Hi there “Cat”
About your HuffPost article.... Okay I see your point about the primary election but what’s done is done. The whole “unite the party” theme is played out, agreed. It’s kinda propaganda-ish. I don’t see why MI nd FL can’t just revote and we’ll go from there. I honestly don’t think Democrats really care which candidate makes it at this point, as long as it’s one of their own. Like the other commenter here, I also liked that “Pure. Democratic. American. Beautiful” sentence. Really hit home. And I also am discovering your advice column for the first time. From what I can see, you’re: Pure. Cat. American. Beautiful.
— Anonymous

Yo Cat.
Cute little missive in HuffPost but hold your horses missy. Your nice way with words is not enough to change things. If you don’t “unite the party” you’re digging a hole that only “the other” (as you call it) can fill with more of what we’ve dealt with for years. Answer me this: come election time, who will get YOUR vote? Think about it because unless you vote for change you’re voting for the same. And if you don’t vote at all, you’re still voting for the same. I do like your advice, though. THAT has good sense to it. See ya.
— R.J.N. (San Fran, CA)

Hey Cat,
After reading your column about having a business with your romantic partner I wanted to tell that person it’s a really bad idea. If it’s your spouse, that’s one thing. But don’t ever get involved financially with someone you’re romantic with because you have no ally if things go bad. Like it’s not enough to break up, if you also lose your business, what do you have? Nothing, and you have to start all over. Take it from someone who’s been down that road.

Cat:
Are you serious???? Regarding your comments to Zombie Guy, who went shopping with his girlfriend and ended up forgetting to buy her shorts she but made a purchase for himself: You faulted him for being selfish and inattentive and assumed it isn’t the first time he has acted that way. I’m sorry, but is his girlfriend so spineless or otherwise incapacitated that she was unable to carry the shorts to the register while he was purchasing his shorts and place them together? This is the kind of girl that makes men think we are so complicated and hard to understand. No wonder men think all women are needy and whiny. If she wanted the shorts and wanted him to buy them for her, tell him! She “hinted” that he forgot something. Maybe if she was holding them in her hand, or had them sitting at the register, it would have been easier for him not to forget. Where was she when he was looking at shorts for himself? You’d think if she really was part of the relationship, she would also be shopping with HIM. By getting inconsolably upset because she didn’t get what she wanted, she might be a tad bit selfish too. And I’m thinking that if she really wanted to make the relationship work, she’d let this ‘little thing’ slide and treat it with a little humor by giving him an IOU to sign or something, or maybe even forgiveness?! My call – I’d ditch the needy girlfriend before I find out what other little things will cause her to go over the deep end and call him pathetic and rude.

Cat,
I read your column on the Post-Gazette web site whenever they publish it. I like the advice you give, it’s fair, honest and blunt. The reason I am sending this message is to let you know I think you are HOT. I am a happily married man of 15 years with 2 wonderful children, so I am not trying to hit on you. I just think, based on your picture on the web site, that you are HOT. That’s all, just wanted to give you a compliment. Keep up the good work.

Cat:
Bravo on a great column today. Love love love love loved it. And I’m certain I will further love the pissy mail you get from people who think the subject of sex or any ‘things’ related to it is taboo. I like the one about the guy with skin issues too. Good advice there. But love love loved your advice to the woman who wants to try a toy. You know she’s surfing the web for one right now.

Dear Cat,
Your column today is my favorite Cat’s Call I’ve ever read. I was made speechless by your incredible level of sensitivity and sense of humor dealing with a subject I think many people would find offensive. The only sound I made was when I laughed out loud at your “call.” I do read you weekly but today is the first time I’ve written in (to any advice columnist in my 62 years on this earth.) You have such an ability to inject humor when I least expect it. You will probably receive angry mail from uptight people about this matter but please ignore them. I have not lived in Pittsburgh in many years and reading your column reminds me of why I love my former city. I wouldn’t dream of leaving the west coast (family here plus you can’t beat the weather) but regarding the wonderful city of Pittsburgh, there are surprises all through it and you are one of them.
— John D. San Diego, CA

Cat:
Calling someone shallow because they won’t date a fat person is wrong. There is nothing natural about being overweight or obese. Sure genetics play a part, but there is no reason other then laziness to become a rolling blob of lard. Obesity in a person sends up a massive warning sign that a person lacks discipline, self control, and self respect. Unfortunately with the lack of self respect comes lack of respect for others, as was so well displayed in the “I Was So Nice” situation. Keep up your routine and your standards. Hey “Nice,” you are not in the wrong, society is. —Tired Of Walking On Eggshells

Dear Cat:
The letter from the woman who got yelled at because she wouldn’t go on a date with the overweight guy nicely segued from your recent columns about ‘nice guys’ and how they might get the short end of the stick. The overweight guy probably uses the excuse that he’s sooo nice and women won’t give him a fair shot just because he’s heavy but the truth is that she just didn’t like him romantically (basic lack of chemistry) and turns out he couldn’t be further from a ‘nice guy’. Just one woman’s opinion here, thanks.

Cat:
Loved your answer on the guy who wants to know if he should talk to his psycho ex-girlfriend …the one who dumped him in front of everyone. He portrays himself as a normal, nice guy…but there is nothing normal about even THINKING about talking to someone who has humiliated you. He obviously lacks self-confidence. If you truly like who you are, you don’t let people treat you like that and then turn around and think about going out and having a drink with them. She sounds like she used and abused him; probably wants for him to go out and pay for the drinks because that’s what nice, normal guys do. Keep up your sharp-witted, sensible answers.

Cat:
Attention-whore?!? love it! keep tellin’ it like it is…

Hey Cat,
I just read today’s column about the girlfriend who humiliated the guy and then started calling him all the time. I swear that it could have been me who wrote that letter. I dated a woman who did almost the exact same thing but we were together much longer than the guy in the column (almost a year.) That guy needs to follow your advice to the nth degree. People like that girl are only out for themselves and you can never ever have a real relationship with them. I doubt their two months together were even good, he probably just stayed for the drama.

Cat:
In the words of Chris Rock, “Take off that silly ass hat.” Seriously. Love your advice, hate the hat in the photograph. —Anonymous

• Dear Anonymous: Chris Rock loves my hat. — Cat

Cat,
Don’t listen to Anonymous. I think you “rock” the hat. I think it shows the spunkiness that you put into your column, and I bet into everything that you do. Besides, I think a woman looks sexiest when she is feeling sexy. So if you feel sexy in the hat (and you should), then by all means go for it. — DG from USA

Hey Cat,
A long distance relationship can absolutely work but only if both people want it to become non-long-distance and say it all the time. I’ve done it twice with great success: the 1st ended amicably for general reasons of incompatibility and the 2nd is now my husband : )
— Happily Hitched In Houston

Hi Cat,
I would never be in a long-distance relationship. There’s no point because the whole purpose of being in a relationship at all is to spend as much time with someone as possible. It’s not like he’s going into the army or something. If this guy moves away, he’s choosing to go. They could still keep in touch but she should start dating other guys as soon as he says, “I’m outta here.” And don’t help him pack!

Cat,
The whole long distance relationship thing is underrated, in my opinion. People might think that sounds crazy but it’s a way for people to see just how into each other they are. I mean, if you continue to really like someone without being able to see them every second, that says something about how real the feelings are. If they can manage to visit each other until they’re ready to take the next step (one of them moving), it’s incredible how much they’ll appreciate each other. At least that’s how it was with my husband and me for the first two years : ) — Sandy J. (San Francisco, CA, formerly of Pittsburgh!)

Dear Cat:
I just had to write to tell the girl with the potential long-distance boyfriend to GO FOR IT!!!! I was in almost the exact same situation almost 20 years ago. I ended the relationship thinking the same way she is, and I have regretted it ever since. I believe I lost the love of my life because I was afraid to see it through. Your advice to her was right on!!

Cat,
The debate over long-distance relationships seems to hinge on people viewing their own experiences as universal truths. I support your position that success is case sensitive. I offer two examples. I am NOT suited for long-distance relationships. I tried a few and they failed, either for petering communication or interest in someone closer. Nonetheless, I never engaged in one with someone ultimately worth the effort. Chalk one for “Don’t Bother.” On the other hand, my cousin and his girlfriend were parted when she attended medical school 7 hours away. For two years they talked nearly every night, but saw each other only once in a while. It wasn’t easy, as I saw first hand — the stress and loneliness led to fighting, wandering eyes, and doubtfulness. They married last month. That’s what they wanted all along and to them it justified the struggle. That’s one for “Give It A Try.”

Hi Cat,
Just read your response to the Nice Guy complainer and I am elated that someone (you) finally has the guts to tell all these self-proclaimed “nice” guys that a lot of them aren’t even nice! Guys love to use that excuse when women don’t like them (“she must want a jerk if she doesn’t want me”) but a lot of the time guys think they’re princes just because they’re not acting like a******s according to their own definition. You can think you’re nice and perfect but any time you show up late or don’t call when you say you’re going to or “nicely” cancel plans to hang out with your friends, you’re not nice! You tell ‘em, Cat.
— D.M.T. (Chicago, IL)

Dear Cat,
I think you hit the nail on the head about nice guys. If a guy is truly nice for the sake of being nice, then there should be no complaining because his reward is the good feeling you get from acting that way. Thanks.

Cat,
I don’t agree with your nice guy theory. I agree that being especially nice will not create attraction and romance where none existed already… at least it’s very unlikely. But girls are proven to be less attracted to and less interested in “nice” guys. After all, we all know that girls, in spite of what they say, are very attracted to 1) good-looking guys, 2) confidence, and 3) charm. Nice guys that are very good looking will always get girls. Nice guys who are short, fat, and bald will have a very hard time getting the attention of anyone female. Even your OK-looking guys (a 5 or 6 on a scale of 10) are much more likely to get consistent girl attention if they’re charming, funny, interesting, or have money… preferably all of the above. 9 out of 10 girls, in spite of what they say, are visually-driven and will make instant impressions based on a guys appearance that they may never shake. Charm and appearance will always get girls. Let’s be honest, Cat, nice guys will always finish last… —Better to Be Yourself

Dear Cat,
Regarding the nice guy debate. I’m a 37 year old male, and I’ve never been on a date or had a girlfriend. I am intelligent and well educated, I don’t smoke, and I’ve been clean and sober my entire life. I’m attracted to women with those same characteristics. Every woman who has ever rejected me has always given me the exact same reason, “You’re a nice guy.” Many of these women have later gone on to tell me about the guys that they had dated in the past. “I dated him for three years. He was a jerk the entire time.” Literally, women would rather get into a car with a drunk driver than go on a date with a “nice” guy such as myself. It is not me who is saying that women won’t date nice guys and that they prefer to date jerks. It is the women themselves who tell me this.
Sincerely,
Wondering Why Women Reject Nice Guys, Date Jerks, And Then Complain About The Jerks.

Hey Cat:
I have a quote (one of 7 on my wall) that addresses the nice guy subject, from Garry Shandling of all people: “Nice guys finish first. If you don’t know that, then you don’t know where the finish line is.”

Ms. Cat,
And now the truth. Hate to be so negative here, but in public discussions, magazine stories, etc., many untruths are stated. First, women talk about finding a sensitive man, an understanding, trusting man blah blah blah, it’s all a lie. The only difference between men and women is that men don’t deny the fact that they are shallow and tend to only be attracted to attractive women. Attractive women are no different. They go for: 1. Tall. Yes, TALL trumps everything else. 2) Good looking 3) Money. That’s it. They are just as shallow. If you’re tall, good looking, and have money, that is the ticket. Now if a women is fat, older, and unattractive, she will be much more open to dating anyone. And finally, the old adage about how attractive women are so lonely because men fear approaching them, what a bunch of crap. If you’re good looking, there will be a line stretched around the corner to talk to you. I know you will say this stuff isn’t true and I’m being negative, but sorry, it is. By the way, I saw your interview recently on tv. Keep up the good work. Your column is entertaining.

Dear Cat,
You stated No one characteristic is enough to sustain a relationship. Now just what would that characteristic be? :)

Hi Cat-
I’m not one for reading advice columns, but I check yours out when I see it on the Post-Gazette’s home page. Today, you told Lookin’ For Love that “no one characteristic is enough to sustain a relationship (well, maybe one, but …). “ I am curious as to what that “one” might be – is it as obvious as I’m afraid it is?

• Dear Readers,
  Chances are, the “one characteristic” is not what you think. But I thank you for having dirty minds. Now that’s something helpful to sustaining a relationship. — Cat