Cat:
Was just reading your column from today. Was amused by the guy asking about the funeral plot. Thoughtful… in a weird sort of way. At the least, one might think of flowers for the living, rather than a place to put them when you are dead. Just imagining what that conversation would be like: “Oh thank you dear. Just want I always wanted. A spot on row G33 at Happy Endings Cemetery and Dog Park. A place to rest for eternity. Or at least until it goes condo.”
—Washington, DC Reader
Cat:
I’ve never read your columns; but a term caught my eye today on the main page of the PG.com… ‘creepy’. It’s such a funny and hypocritical term. Girls have adopted this buzzword to slap on any guy that hits on them, which they deem unworthy, or unattractive. They cannot simply say ‘I’m flattered, but no thanks’ and display some lady-like class; instead, they give a disgusted look and make people feel subhuman. Then they go off cackling to their friends about the “creepy guy” that hit on them today. The epitome of this hypocrisy is when a guy they are actually attracted to hits on them, usually with an equally as lame pickup line. That’s okay though, not creepy, ‘cause they are attracted to this guy. Maybe the good guys would start appreciating women more, if the modern woman (and I use that term loosely), had some desirable attributes and valued more than money, cars, and image. You can make your assumptions about me for writing this, and imagine how “creepy” I must be, but I can assure you, I do not even bother dating anymore because I observe how the vast majority of women act these days.
Thank you, Catherine, for an intelligent and wonderful article [in The Huffington Post]. By the variety of responses to it, I think you’ve hit on something that many people feel, but are reluctant to discuss, except in the anonymity of the Internet. I am going to take your advice and seek some professional assistance in working through some of the things mentioned by yourself and those who responded to you. Thank you for all your words.
Hey Cat,
I have to agree with your call about the Hopeless Romantic guy who’s about to start dating. People think all you have to do is make a profile on a dating site and the next day you have 20 women to go out with. Sorry Pal, that’s not how it works. And that sappy ‘hopeless romantic’ thing only works with some women. Listen to Cat, buddy.
—Robert (Miami)
Catherine,
No particular question here just a comment – your column rocks (I was going to use wildly entertaining but I’m hung over). I read several of the columns to get a feel of the questions and answers, and I keep coming back to same basic philosophy in regards to people’s romantic dilemmas. It’s hard to be true to others if you can’t be true yourself. Humor is key to any situation, romantic or not (especially corny jokes – anybody who says they don’t like corny jokes lies like a rug). Actions speak louder than words sometimes. Basic manners (it’s a lost art, I realize ). Pittsburgh is lucky to have you. However, I’m a little disappointed that you are a registered democrat. I guess not everyone is perfect, right? : ) Happy New Year.
No question, just a Happy News Year’s wish to you. I always look forward to your column each week, kinda makes my day a bit better. I love the humor entwined in the answers. Your response to the person who wanted to return to Pittsburgh, To Move Or Not To Move was one of them. I’m a former resident of Pittsburgh and believe me, my spouse has been quick to let me know that she hasn’t lost anything in western Pennsylvania and therefore we continue to live in California. I prefer to keep the marriage together.
—Fred L (Northern California)
Cat,
Did you fail to notice that BLOWN OFF never attempted to make human contact or reach out in voice via a telephone call? I think this may be more of the issue rather than the “worm” who didn’t respond. If the only way someone contacts me is via IMs, texts, and emails, then they aren’t worth my time as I’m not worth theirs. Have people truly lost this form of communication? I do not suggest stalker-like actions to just show up at the said person’s apartment or place of business, or 1Mil calls and voice messages, but this needs to be addressed. Thanks for your time, I’m finished ranting….
Sincerely, CALL ME
Dear Call Me,
Thanks for writing! You’re not the only one to point out that I may have been hasty, or overlooked important aspects, when making my “call”. Read on for more…
Cat:
I found your response about the non-response interesting. I am wondering if the person who wrote to you has considered that he or she may have caused the communication to cease by being mean-spirited, hurtful, insulting, etc. There are times in a relationship (whether a romantic one or one based on friendship) when it is wise to decide to end it. While it may seem âcowardlyâ to some to simply stop communicating, it also can be a way to send a clear-cut message without having to engage in further and extended negative discussions. I think your response may have been a little hasty and did not consider what else may have been happening. The person who wrote in might benefit from some introspection about why the relationship has been terminated.
Cat:
Sometimes there is just no other choice but to terminate a relationship by not responding to someone like Blown Off. People change and not always for the better. They can go from a good friend to abusive, manipulative and totaly insulting. All attempts to discuss the changes are dismissed to the point that each interaction becomes nothing more than a painful exercise in futility and lingering anger at how we are treated. And they just don’t “get it”. The “worm” may on the surface look like the “Bad Guy” but it’s probably 50/50 that it is “Blown Off” who has caused the relationship to sour. The worst is when someone just deceives you and lies for their own end or does something that friends just don’t do to friends. If attempts to talk fail or they have pushed it beyond any reasonable limit there is no other choice but to stop all communication with them for your own sanity.
And then there’s the other side of the story…
Cat,
This happened to a friend of mine. She had been going along quite well in the relationship when it all stopped suddenly. Subsequently she discovered this wonderful man was married and it was because his wife was suspicious that all contact stopped. I read a few of the comments on your web site regarding this letter and some of it may have been the fault of the writer, but to stop communicating in that manner is inconsiderate and no human, regardless of what has happened, deserves that treatment. (I might add that my girlfriend also did not deserve to be lied to by the married man). I just hope that the writer of blown off can realize at some point that this is plain wrong and I hope her anger/hurt doesn’t get the better of her. Thanks for all your sage advice, I enjoy your column greatly.
Dear Reader,
Thanks for sharing this story. Proves that we can’t always know why people do what they do.—Cat
Cat:
Since when is having some self-awareness and self-reflection a bad thing? Obviously, Big Idiot wasnât ready to commit, so he recognized that and broke it off. In a world where 1 out of every 2 marriages end in divorce, Iâd say many of us should have a more practical and logical approach towards assessing a serious relationship instead of letting our emotions get the best of us. If after a year, Big Idiot admits he made a mistake and realizes his true feelings, then I think their relationship is better for it, no? (that is, if she takes him back) I donât think name calling is the answer. I will assume that you meant no ill-feeling in your response to Big Idiot just as I mean none with my response to you â just a sharing of opinions in an open forum.
Dear Reader,
C’mon, name-calling isn’t my style, he signed his own letter “Big Idiot.” As for the relationship’s prospects, you might be 100% correct that they’re better off now that he feels ready rather than pressured. That’s why I told him to give it a shot and see if she’d give him another chance. Thanks for writing!
-Cat
Your answer to GET A ROOM was ridiculous. I can guarantee that most people I know (including people in their 20’s) would feel uncomfortable with french kissing going on in front of them. French kissing is serious PDA and you are totally wrong to fault him and his friends. They definitely can tell this couple to get a room. French kissing is a passionate form of kissing, very intimate and indicates things are getting hot and heavy. Maybe GET A ROOM should be writing the advice column because you are way off and your sense of what is appropriate is completely off kilter.
Cat,
In a recent letter you discussed wish lists and you promised a reader you wouldn’t stalk him if he gave you his address. My question is what if you stalking me is on my wish list?
